canine mathmatics

Beagle + Pug = Puggle
Pug + Chiuhuahua = Chug
Pug + Miniature Pinscher = ? a Pug-scher? a Pigscher? a Min Pin Pug?

Whatever you decide to call him, he is a cutie. I have the Pug-Pinsher cross staying with me, and her sister, the Beagle, is expecting at least four Puggles. I can't wait to see those puppies. As for Chug the Chug, I haven't seen him in ages - but he is also very cute.

Just is case we ever decide to start taking in cats.

My husband keeps on suggesting that we expand to cat sitting, but I think he just wants to be able to say that a 'Cat House' is open in Helper. Again.

I liked seeing the wolf exhibit at the Brookfield Zoo, but...

..it was the seals that reminded me the most of my dogs. They way they play with each other, do tricks and beg for snacks - seals are just very wet labradors.

Good doggie manners knows no langauge barrier.

I spotted this on my way to Dim Sum in Chicago's Chinatown.

I say I go home to see family and friends, but in fact, I mostly go to eat my way across Chicago.

It is just my personal theory...

But I think letting female dogs go into heat without breeding them makes them more aggressive.

I really don't have a large enough sample to make this judgment. I really should go a do some research, but I am facing down a weekend that includes two females coming out of heat, one in the middle and one that is pregnant. I believe this will be the first case of estrogen poisoning here at the ranch.

I have seen nice dogs become psycho during their heat cycles. They make my PMS look like a walk in the park.

They are mean to the male dogs - "Sorry boys, you are just not up to my standards!"

They are mean to the female dogs - "If I am going to breed, that means I am the alpha female, and I just want to make sure that everyone knows it!"

It seems to me that the aggression continues after the cycle ends, particularly to other females. The level of aggression is also notched up every cycle. Now I could be wrong, I have mean females that have been neutered. You may have had your dog go into heat and see no personality change. I think I probably see the worse behavior because I get to see the dogs in a social setting. And face it, no female of any species looks its best when trolling for a mate.

Look someone made furniture just for me.

Actually these are part of a scuplture series.

My sister took me to a huge furniture store outside Milwaukee. The store made a walking path for their employees and there are set of metal couches, chairs and TV cabnits all over the place. Each one is painted up a bit different, but the 'Dog on the Couch' set - I just had to get a picture of that one.

We got ourselves another 'Lego' Poodle

A 'Lego' is a mini-toy poodle cross.

Toby is the smallest dog we have ever had. I thought he was still a puppy, but no he is already a year old. He is so small that he got out of the kennel by walking between the gate and its frame. Toby had to hang out with us in the house until my husband got his kennel all wired up.

Toby seemed to like the idea of hanging out in the living room for awhile, but this dog just cannot relax. He was on my lap, then my husband's, he would leap up to the back of the couch and walk back and forth. With his size and personality, it is like having a dog and a cat at the same time.

Toby also suffers from 'the lap is always softer on the other side of the living room'. He only just settles in, when - LEAP - he is off to sit with my husband - LEAP - he is back again.

You would think he would eventually wear himself out with all the leaping and resettling and just pass out on someone, but I never saw him sit for more than 2 minutes.

It is taking longer to unpack than it took to pack...

Why is that?

We did leave with a half full car and came back with wall to wall luggage. Maybe that could be my problem.

We even gained a few more dogs - of the stuffed variety. Blue Dog, of course, came with us. He belongs to my son and he is the toy I search Ebay for on a regular basis. We ever lose him and I am in big trouble.

Dave's Aunt gave my daughter a fancy doll and my son a stuffed bunny. The bunny was immediately declared a 'dog' and named Coco. Owner gets to pick the name, the sex, and the species as well - that's my rule.

After a couple of days at the cousin's house, my two had yet another two stuffed dogs. Pinky and Brown - I'll let you guess what they look like. That was nice of the cousins to give away some of their toys. Only problem is that my son's dog got left at the cousin's house. I figure that it will be arriving anyday now - I know I would not pass up the chance to get a stuffed animal out of my house.

The first annual Westminster 'Stuffed' Dog Show to be held at my house.

What do you need to know before teaching your dog tricks?

My daughter has not given up on the riddle book.

I thought I had this one, "A trick, you have to know a trick to teach a trick."

Nope, you have to know more than a dog.



I think I can manage that most days.

Dogs in cars is strickly a western thing.

I didn't see a dog riding in a car or truck after I left Colorado. There isn't a single dog in downtown Chicago.

I was feeling a little dog deprived until we hit the wolf enclosure at the Brookfield Zoo.

On our last day of driving, we got to see a big fluffy huskie hanging his head out the back window of a Toyota 4runner. Now that is more like it.

At lunch, somewhere west of Denver, there was one dog waiting it out in the back seat. While another two dogs got to hang out under the cafe table with their family.

It was nice to be getting back home.

There is a very happy golden retriever hanging his head out the back window of the truck behind us. Really.

A new trend in names...

Old time names from the old country.

The Italians and Norwegians have chimed in.

Teenso & Amico.
Tucio & Vido.
Gunda & Hans.

No dog performers on tonight's America's Got Talent show

I loved the dog act that got in on the first night. And it looks like one other got in, but their audition didn't get aired.

To prove that I am not totally biased, I thought the finger clicker was the wildest thing I have ever seen.

I just want to know what the Russian guy, Leonid, is going to wear next time. I think he should just balance stuff on his hands and crack jokes, he was at his best off the cuff with Regis.

Why didn't you put an ad in the paper when your dog ran away?

Because my dog can't read.


My daughter just found a book of animal riddles.

Around here, you call the shelter, police dispatch, barterbar radio show and The Yawning Dog Ranch. All dogs run away to my house.

This was true even before I had a dog kennel. At my first house in Price, Utah, I had a radio fence for my puppies and not a real fence around the yard. Any dog that ran away in Westwood ran to my place. I met quite a few people taking their dogs home to them.

K-9 Officers do not head for the donut shop.

I spotted a police dog having a pit stop on the side of I-80 in Nebraska. The car was parked in the shade of an overpass, the dog and his handler were out in the grassy side of the off ramp. There are certain logistics of having a dog as a partner that I had not really given any thought to before.

The last thing you want to hear when you are 2000 miles from home.

"We had a runaway."

Well, Michelle was taking it much better than I would have. When really bad stuff happens, I do a little chicken with its head off running in circles thing, before calming down and getting it taken care off. But by the time Michele had called me, she had already talked to the owners and was headed off to check to see if their doggie just went home. The owners were pretty calm about it also - all they said was "Well, she never did that before."

Dog was found at home, the neighbors saw her and let her in.

So, my record still stands 4 runaways, all found. Two ran home, one caught by my contractor in my horse pasture, and the pair that my husband and I chased across Helper.

I know I forgot something....

I figured out what somewhere North and East of Denver. The Phone Message. UGH! I forgot to change my outing going message to my dog sitter's phone number. So I have been fielding doggie calls across 6 states.

"No, I can't check the calendar, I am in Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Milwaukee, Chicago...you will have to call Michelle."

UGH!

And an even bigger, UGH! for when the cell phone bill comes in.

I always thought 'Are we there yet?' as a cliche.

I ranked it up with 'drunks dancing with lamp shades on their heads' and 'people photocoping their butts'. These are cultural icons, not stuff people actually do.

But I got to hear, "Are we there yet?" from Wellington to Colorado. I don't think they stopped asking, but I know I stopped trying to explain - in the car ALL DAY. My daughter actually announce just north of Green River, "Well, we better get to the hotel soon, because I have to pee!"

(Green River is a whopping 45 minutes from home.)

It was a very long first day.

It got better on the second day, I started giving out mile markers for the next stop and they would just watch and count them down. My sanity was saved by the creation of the federal highway mile marker system. Thank you.

I did not fall off the face of the earth, I just went on vacation.

I am in Chicago, seeing the family and trying to entertain my kids. I have been to the zoo, twice, and the Museum of Science and Industry. I think I last stepped foot in there when I was in eigth grade.

It has been a 'dog-free' holiday, except for my nightly reports from Michelle - dogsitter extordinare.

I do have some funny pictures, but I will have to figure how to get them off the camera, and into this freebie contection at the conference. And to think, I used to be a chip-head computer support person. Now, I can't even figure out all the options on my camera, or phone.

And now the Littles are out numbering the Bigs

I do have odd runs of dogs. I get weekends with a bunch of the same breed or the same name. I once had an a full kennel of only black and white dogs. And a different day with all carmel and white dogs. But today it is the little ones verses the big, current 7 to 2. But the big guys gain a teammate when a boxer shows up later.

I have 2 dachshunds, 2 Pomeranians, 2 Chiuhuahuas and the littlest Yorky you ever saw.

One Yellow Lab and Zoey Monster, she is very big, very thin, very jumpy, very orange and very much looks like her namesake from Sesame Street. She doesnot look very much like any breed of dog I have ever met before.

Argh. maties, we have a Parrot Dog on board!

I guess 'on shoulder' would be more accurate. Actually, I have about 6 Parrot Dogs as clients. I have 2 of them this weekend. Both Maggie, the Lego Poodle, and Taffy, a carmel chiuhuahua, like to climb up onto my shoulder. Very hard on me, there is quite a bit of claw digging in to hold that position, but it does lend itself to few pirate jokes.

It is really only a problem when a 100 pound lab or rottweiller tries to pull that stunt. This is why my chair is always about a foot away from the fence. I hit the fence when knocked over and not the ground.

Dogs of War Memorial

In my paper on Memorial Day, there was an article on dogs that have served in the army.

The numbers are impressive, as are the stories of the dogs' service.

World War II: 436 dogs served
Korea: 1,500 dogs served
Vietnam: 4,000 dogs served
Desert Storm and Desert Sheild: 120 dogs served
Global War on Terrorism: dogs are serving, but no numbers available.

A gentleman here in Utah, Alan Cunningham, is working to have a memorial dedicated to all of these dogs in the Utah Veterans Memorial. He wants to do it on this Vetern's Day. The memorial will be a lifesize bronze of a German Sheperd. He has also been petitioning the Postmaster General for a postage stamp for these unsung hereos.

I am going to find out some more about the project and see if he needs any help.

What is in a Name?

After the excess of Maggies this weekend I decided to look for that article on dog names that I tore out of the newspaper.

Most popular dog names of 2005, according to the Veterinary Pet Insurance Co.:

1 Molly
Only one for me, but this was the name of the first dog I ever babysat.

2 Maggie
More than I can count.

3 Daisy
About 4 of those

4 Lucy
Not a one.

5 Sadie
I think this is actually the most popular of my clients.

6 Ginger
One of those, but she was a no show for her reservation, so I can't count her as one of my clients.

7 Chloe
Only one.

8 Bailey
Nope, but there is one in my son's school class.

9 Sophie
Just one of those, too.

10 Zoe
Two, I think and one is here right now, but she spells it Zoey.

Someday, I am going to type all of my dog info into a database and get organized. Then I can have an official head count. But these do prove my point about dog names: once a human name is considered old fashioned, it becomes a popular dog name. Works for the boys, too. But that is another post alltogether.

And the confusion continues....

Not only did I have 4 Yellow Labs, I also had two Maggies, one of the labs and a black poodle. The Poodle Maggie is a cross between a Miniature and a Toy. That makes her a Small Toy! I have founded a new type of poodle, THE LEGO. It is perfect. A Lego is a small toy usually found under foot. That describes Maggie perfectly.

But, I digress from my continued confusion of dogs. Another Maggie just arrived today and, of course, she is a yellow lab.

It was Yellow Lab Day at the Ranch

I had 4 Yellow Labs. As the mother of two matching Black Labs, I am used to calling the dogs by the wrong name. Heck, my mother called me by my sister's name since she left for college, that was 1974. (She still does) But yesterday must have been a record even by my standards for calling the wrong dog.

There are Maggie and Sadie, they are sisters a year apart. The owners liked the first one so much they got another puppy from the same parents. They are smarter than me who just got two puppies at the same time which is a house breaking nightmare. At least, one of mine has a white mark to tell them apart, Maggie and Sadie are virtually identical.

Then there are Molly and Winnie, one black, one yellow lab and I have never figure out what name goes with each but since they are always together it is really a problem.

And then there is Shane. Shane Thayn actually. His mother always wanted a boy named Shane, but when she married a Thayn she decided the name would only work on a dog. Shane I can spot, he is the biggest Yellow Lab I have ever seen.

It was also Ladies Weekend. They out number the boys 10 to 2.

I am anti-chain letter.

As a rule, I never forward any message that asks me to do so. I never sent out a chain letter before email, either. I don't pass on jokes and funny pictures, but I do read them to my husband and show the funny dog pictures to the kids.

But my brother forwarded this onto me and I just had to share it. So officially, I have not forwarded on a chain letter. Right?

Dog's Letter to God

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it going to be the Same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the P! early Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell!

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps, or the oriental rugs.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally my last question;

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Anti-Labrador?

I have an unfriendly lab staying with me. I would have said that was an impossibility, but there she is. She doesn’t like the other dogs. She only kinda likes me. And she doesn’t like my husband at all. And, really, all dogs love my husband.

Labs are just plain happy dogs. They are just so happy to have other dogs to play with. Happy with whatever human they have to love on.

She is an anti-labrador. She doesn’t want to play and only occasionally does she want any petting or scratching from me. But when she does she growls at any other dog that come up to me. Usually it is the other way around for a lab. Mostly, I end up steering an overly enthusiastic lab away from some other dog that has just had it with them. She is happy alone on her side of the play yard. A time-out by themselves is an excellent way to get a dog to behave around the other dogs. Play too rough and they get 10 minutes in their run, all alone. Time-outs never worked on my kids, but they are really effective with dogs. Sitting out while the other dogs play is a pretty strong motivator. This is especially true for labs, they do not like to be alone. But this dog is actually happiest by herself. She is not a bad dog in any way, just isn’t a Labrador in any way other than appearance.

I have two black labs. If you look up gregarious in the dictionary, isn’t there a picture of a Labrador in there. My labs think everyone who comes to the house came only to see them. The UPS guy cannot deliver a package without a huge dose of doggie love at this house. No one is safe from these lab’s affection.

I have a friend who is more of a cat-person. Whenever she visits, Inertia is all over her. Inertia firmly believes in the physical contact form of persuasion. If enough bodily contact is applied to a human; they will eventually love you. Inertia has complete missed the fact that this friend just keeps letting her out. I try to tell the dog, she is a dog and my friend is a cat lover. But Inertia is convinced she can win this human over to the dog side.

Though, Inertia might be onto something….this is the friend that was asking me about getting a Sheltie the other day.

The play yard never smelled so good.

My bramble rose is blooming. It is kinda lost on the dogs, they just like to chase or hide under its branches, but I love that huge bush. It only blooms for about a week, but it is so big with so many roses. It really is pretty spectacular.

I have started walking my dogs again.

Nice view, don’t ya think?

When I first got my puppies, my yard wasn’t fenced. In the 3 months before we could put in an electronic fence, I walked them 3 times a day. I lost 12 pounds that fall.

Well, I am finally feeling better and I started up again. Everything is really green and growing since we had a pretty wet winter and spring this year. This is the first time I have seen rabbits in this area. The dogs have seen them, too, and are getting a pretty good workout. But don’t worry about any bunnies being hurt. My dogs can only chase in a straight line (this is how Vector got her name). So all a bunny has to do is turn left and they are just ‘gone’ to my dogs.

How to Win Friends and Influence Dogs

These are the sure fire ways to make a dog love you, unless we are talking about a Lab, because they just love everyone on principal.

The ‘Ear Nuggy’

Unlike when your big brother grabbed your head and rubbed his knuckle into your skull, dogs really like getting an ear nuggy. You fold their ears closed and rub the inside of their ear with the outer flap of their ear. This will get you good grunty sounds and maybe even a wild rear leg thumping. Wild Rear Leg Thumping is the pinnacle of “Yes, that is the spot!” in dog communication.

The Collar Scratch

This works with most dogs, they really do like to have their whole neck scratched. But if you have a dog with a band collar, not a chain one, they just love this. Move the collar out of its permanent dent and give a good scratch all the way around their necks. You will have a friend and a job for life.

Rub the Fuzzy Butt

That is what I call it, but I actually scratch their backs at the base of the tail. I thought just Labs loved this, but it does seem to have a universal appeal whether the butt in question is tiny or big. Affection for have their tails scratch leads to some pretty funny behaviors. There are the “I really want this, but I don’t want to be rude” dogs. These guys bend themselves into a ‘U’ trying to continue to look at me while still aiming their rears at me. And then there are the “I don’t care if it is rude, I know what I want” dogs. They just back right up to me whenever I am sitting down.

Go head and try it out. Like I said “a friend and a job for life”.

Meet The Boys...

This is a set of brothers, chocolate labs about 6 months old. I am having a flashback to my 'girls' at that age. See when you have a matched set of puppies, sometimes you don't know who you are yelling at. So my two black labs became trained to come to the phrase, "Girls!"




You just have to get the right mom-voice inflection on it.

When Cola and Bear piled out of the car, I asked their owner, "So do they come to BOYS?"
"How did you know that?"
"You will have to meet my GIRLS."

This must be how grandmas feel when they see their own children in their grand kids.

I will have to dig out some old photos of my two and scan them in.

Slow Motion – Hot Dog Fight

It has gotten very hot, very fast here. Normally, we have a prolonged Spring that lets you work in the yard into June. But not this year, it feels like July already. The dogs are all molting and I have a kennel full of fur. But yesterday’s playtime was really funny due to the heat.

I am sitting in between the kennel building and a storage shed. It is the only shady place around lunch time. It is really more like a hallway than anything else. So there I am with a fluffy white poodle named Jasper on my lap watching Brewster and Tobit wrestle around. When it dawns on me that they are moving in slow motion. It’s a Hot Dog Fight. They played for about 20 minutes, never left the little space of shade, and did all of their moves at about half speed.

Of course, this would be a excellent opportunity to get a picture of a Boxer in action. But no, I forgot the camera this time.

We Have a New Record for Longest Dog

No, I think the title should be Far-est. Farther-est, Further-est. Wait none of those aren't real words.

Well Brewster, here, has traveled the long distance to get to my kennel. He is from Pennsylvania, somewhere outside Pittsburg. (I’m from PA, too. Somewhere outside Philly) The previous title holder came from Minnesota, he owners went on rafting trip down the Colorado and came back up to grab him before heading onto Idaho.

So I just had to ask, “What brings you to Price?” I found me asking this very funny, because everyone asks me that when they find out we are from Chicago. Turns out they are from here and their son goes to CEU.

Well, welcome back even if it is just for a visit.

Sick as a Dog. Why do they say that, the dogs are the healthiest ones in the house.

Sorry about the lack of postings, but everone in the house has been sick lately. Except the dogs, they are just fine. Between the preschool, the grade school, and the college, we get pretty much any germ that hits Carbon County. My husband had strep, and my son had bronchitis so bad he couldn't breath, and I, as usual, got the barfies. Everyone has bounced back now, except the house it is looking a little under the weather.

All these medicines made me think of the day I tried to give cough syrup to about 9 dogs. There was so much red goop all over me and the entire kennel that it looked like a bad science fiction movie.

One morning in February of last year, I went down to the kennel and it sounded like a TB ward. After reprimanding the dogs to cut their smoking back to a pack a day - I freaked out and called the Vet. Because I am a high level worrier, I can work with little or no material, jump to a conclusion faster than anyone I know, and always land at the worst case scenario. KENNEL COUGH. That is a real dog disease, and I know it is bad because they have a shot for it. They only make shots for the really bad stuff, so this must be really bad.

Until I talked to the Vet - I love my vet, he answers all of my panicky calls and doesn't laugh at me at all. He told me that it can't be Kennel Cough because 1) I only have dogs with their shots and 2) it takes 2 weeks to come down with it not an overnight. He told me to give them all a dose of Robitussin.

I hate that stuff. My kids hate that stuff. Turns out dogs also hate that stuff. So there I am bottle in one hand, baby medicine syringe in the other. I am sure you can picture the results. By the time I got to the other end of the kennel, the bottle was empty and my hair had absolutely no chance of ever having a cough ever again.

If they all came out, they all have to go back in.

Putting the dogs back in their kennels after a playtime is a complicated little dance. It is quite similar to the begging, cajoling, bribing and threatening that it takes to get my kids to leave a friend’s house.

There are the dogs that you just call and open the gate. But for every one of those you get, you get two of the ‘I’m not going and you can’t make me' breed. That would be when the begging, cajoling, bribing and threatening comes in. There really is an art form to the entire process and you just have to know what kind of dog you have to get it to work.

There is Tessie who has to be the last one out and the first one put back in. If you mess this up, she will whip into every kennel to grab a toy or a mouthful of food.

There is the kennel pile up. This is when too many dogs cluster around the kennel that invariably belongs to a timid dog that is now cowering behind the crowd at his door. Poor Emmy is suffering from this. She wants to be the first one to go in, but can't cut through to her door.

There are ones that will only go in if I stand inside their runs. This can be tricky for me to get out with them remaining inside. Smokey suffers from this problem, which is aggravated by the fact that he has a giant rawhide in his kennel that every other dog wants. So in his case, every dog but him will leap into his run.

There are the ones that only listen if they are on a lease. Also tricky to get the lease out and keep the dog in. Daisy was pulling this stunt for a while, but now she has the hang of our routine.

The Make Me’s are the most trying of all. There are the itty bitty dogs that no one teaches to come. Those you have to chase and grab and place in the run. Big Make Me’s are another story. You can get behind them and try to shove. You can get in front of them and try to pull. This when I usually pull out a milkbone; we are not above bribery here at the ranch.

Then there are the Last’s. The dogs that have to be the very last one in or they won’t go in. This is a huge problem when you have two Last’s. They will stay and run and play forever as you yell yourself hoarse trying to get their attentions. The foolproof way to break up this fun is to let A get in B’s kennel and vise versa. Never underestimate a dog’s conviction that the other dog has it better than him. This tends to lead to both eating the other’s dinner, but that is a risk I am willing to take to get them all put away. I have a number of Last's this week: BB, Daisy, Smoky, and Roxy. Playtime has ended up a lot longer than usual this week.

There are the Bouncer's. These are the dogs that like to bounce me off the fencing. You absolutely must let these ones out or in last, or they will nail you while you are looking at the other dog. My biggest fear is that one of the Bouncer's will nail me and the gate will squish a dog. That why we have the ‘little ones first’ rule here at the Ranch. Smokey, BB, and Daisy are all Bouncer's. They are killing me, especially since it has gotten warm and I don't have a jacket to defend myself with. I have taken to carrying the pooper scooper around with me the entire playtime. If I have a tool in my hand, they seem to leave me alone. I thought it was just that they don't want to be near the dirty things, but it works for a shovel and a rake as well. I look like that American Gothic painting, I don't go anywhere in the play yard without a shovel in my hand.

Ineany, Meany, Miney, Moe...

So how do you pick a puppy?

A friend just emailed a picture of his new puppy, a teacup poodle. I was surprised, first that he even got a dog and second, a poodle? That breed is not what I would have pictured for him. My husband informs me that this guy's dad had a poodle when they were young.

So how do you pick your dog?

Get the same one you had as a kid? By the breed's reputation or rumor? What is cute on commercials, on TV shows, or in the movies? By detailed research or 'gosh, that's a cute one' impulse?

Another friend was set on getting a miniature sheltie, and I was aghast. I really thought that breed would be too barky, too hyper, and too nippy to do well with her two girls. It seems that someone else has convinced her of the same idea. So what kind of dog? Bichon? Poodle? Or my favorite, Mutt? I say try for a Shepard/Lab cross, not too big, plenty happy, and kid friendly.

So how do you pick your dog?

I got mine with the 'gee, my husband always wanted a dog' logic. I found my two puppies when trying to retrieve a large metal bowl. I had set it out on the porch to feed the birds and a very large, very red dog took off with it. That is how I came to meet DeeDee and her litter of 7 jet black puppies. "Gee, my husband always talked about getting a dog. Are you giving the puppies away?"

That impulse was followed by the equally logical, yet completely unthought through, "Why don't we get two, they will keep each other company?"

Drive By Wiemaraner Slobbering

"I've been slimed!!"


That would be Smokey. Smokey is just beautiful, all muscles and speed. And he is wearing out all the other dogs at an alarming rate.

He is just so fast, and everyone else is trying to keep up. After about 10 minutes, every other dog and panting and wheezing, but not Smokey - he was just getting started.

Eventually, even Smokey got all lathered up from the marathon play session. That would be when he stopped by to see me and left a drool swath up my whole arm.

Thanks for sharing.

Are we there yet?

I am facing a very long drive from Utah to Chicago this summer. Not only is the drive long, but I am taking my kids with me. (24 hours of driving) I never really did the 'pile the kids in the car and go cross country' family trips when I was a kid. And I have never done with my kids. My kids complain that the drive is too long when we go to Walmart. I suspect that this trip is going to get ugly, pretty quickly too.

The last time I drove all the way home, I was pregnant with my daughter and we took the dogs with us. That was a long drive home. I needed to stop every two hours to pee, and so did Inertia. She doesn't do well in the car. She paces; all 110 pounds of her, shedding and pacing around the inside of a car. It is not a pretty picture. I even gave her the front seat and sat in the back with Vector. Nothing helps her. She is only happy when acting like a Labrador air bag and lying against the driver's chest.

Vector, however, is a really excellent car dog. She sleeps or looks out the window. She is just happy that she is getting to go too.

Having driven my kids to 'the big city', that would be Provo. I learned that my kids match my dogs for their car trip temperament. The big sister is a wiggler, a complainer, a 'this is too long of a ride' kid, and I am sure she would walk around the car if she wasn't strapped down. The little brother is a great rider. He looks out the window and is just happy to be allowed to come along.

So we are off this June, wish us luck. I'd take the dogs, but they aren't as easily captivated by a DVD.

Oh, in case you were wondering, my four legged kids will be staying at my kennel when I am gone. See, even I trust The Yawning Dog Ranch to watch my kids.

The view from my chair is just a little fuzzy.

No, make that, furry.

That's a lot of dog food.

I think I have now served the biggest doggie dinner in the history of the ranch. A very nice Great Dane named Maddie just had 6 cans of dog food for dinner.

Normally, dinnertime is a barky time inside the kennel building. Last night when I lined up those 6 cans and started opening them, it was perfectly silence. You could hear the doggie math going on in those 9 furry heads, "That has got to be at least two cans for each of us." Dogs are not known for their math skills.

I had to serve dinner in two bowls, that is another first.

But I do have to add, that Maddie may be a big eater, but she still has a lovely figure.

"So, would you like to hold the baby?"

My reaction to this question has always been, 'You must be kidding!" Though, I am proud to say I have never actually blurted this out at a proud new mother. I was just thinking this again last week, a friend has a brand new baby boy (quite the cutie) and I am thinking, "Man, I know I have forgotten everything about babies. Please don't offer to let me hold him." She didn't.

I never had the baby-crazies that some women do. I have never touched a stranger's pregnant belly. But I did once watch a co-worker give some lawyer a heart punch for pulling that stunt in the elevator of the Prudential building back in Chicago. (I was so proud of her) The first baby I ever held was my nephew at his baptism. If you see the photo, I look a little stiff. Once I got him I was afraid to change my grip and he was a pretty big baby, too. I had never changed a diaper until the day my daughter was born. I was 35 at the time. I had been pretty proud of that fact until that day, when I realized that there was some skill involved and I really didn't have any of it.

Even in the case of my own children, I knew my limitations. When my daughter was born, they handed me her right after her birth this is what I was thinking: "Isn't there someone here far more qualified and a lot less drugged than I, that can hold this baby?"

Two years later, I held my second baby with just as much uncertainty as the first kid and I realized, "Man, I know I have forgotten everything about babies. Please, someone offer to hold him."

But just this morning, I reached out and grabbed a Bichon out of her mother's arms before I was even sure of the dog's name.

Oh-my-god! I do have that gene; it is just for the wrong species.

Are all of those your dogs? No, they're everybodies' dogs.

Kids ask me that all the time when they see my extensive collection of doggie name clips. My very low tech, but highly effective way of knowing what dog food goes with which dog.

I think I need to have my husband add another row on. See on the top, where I wrote the days of the week. I used to be able to clip on the names of which dogs were arriving on each day. Not anymore.

I am always surprised when I don't recongnize a dog in this town. I really thought I had met them all by now.

If dog spit was good for your complexion, I would have the skin of a goddess

There are quite a few Dog Blogs out there...

More than I ever realized. So I do a bit of surfing myself and one dog lover blog will lead to you many other dog blogs. But today I found a great one. The Cool Dog Site of the Day , click here and you can find the best dog sites around. They have a new site everyday, and you can vote for best of the month.

It is going to take me a couple of days to get through all 25 of April.

And I love their 'Dog on Board' stickers.

So, tell me your name again.

I ran into a client at McDonald's the other day. She was asking if July fourth is already full. No, not yet. And I asked her who her dogs are. Chico. Big, black poodle - Chico? (I have 4 or 5 Chicos.)

I then I started to laugh, her other dog is named Sophie. But for the two weeks that Chico and Sophie stayed with me at Christmas, I called her Joan. I remember thinking that was the dumbest dog name I had ever heard. It wasn't old fashioned enough to be a good dog name. For gosh sakes, people are still running around with the name Joan. It was just wrong.

It didn't fit the dog, either.

Well, I found out Sophie's real name when her owners got back from their trip. Joan, it turns out, is her mother's name. When I asked, "what's her name?" I had meant the dog, not the human dropping her off. But 'Joan' she was to me for two weeks. I must have just driven that dog nuts.

I forgot to asked, does the dog come when you call your mother?

What's your regional dog?

For Carbon County, I would have to vote for the Labrador, but as we all know, I am biased. I understand that loving labradors is a universal things and they are popular everywhere.

Then there are the Heelers. I never even heard of this breed until I moved to Utah. It has a Red and Blue version, that have nothing to do with their political view points. Besides in Carbon County, everyone is a Democrat no matter how you vote.

There are a lot of the herding breeds around here; Heelers, Austrian Sheperds or is that Austrialian Sheperds, (I really need to pop for that dog breed poster), collies, all the brands of spanials. But that might be a tradtion the Greek immigrants brought to this place. They came to bust the coal mine strikes of the Italians and brought their herding instincts with them. It cracks me up to think that I live in the middle of nowhere, but can get better Greek food than I had in Greek Town back in Chicago.

But it is the minitures that are taking over. I see more chihuahuas everyday, and I just babysat my first pug and then saw two more around town. My daughter even asked Santa for a weiner dog and two chihuahuas, one black, one brown. And I would like to thank the big guy for going for the Polly Pockets instead of the puppies.

I just never know what I am going to find when I head down to the kennel.

My husband checked in these two dogs, Doppler and White Fang. Their owners said they have been here before. When I got down to the kennel, I would have sworn I never saw them before. It could happen, they could have come on one of the weeks I was away and the dogsitter was in charge. That must be the case, the names are familiar and they already had clothespins with their names on them, but those dogs didn't know me at all.

And they were seriously freaked out about being in the kennel. When a dog acts afraid of me and too timid or submissive for the situation, I don't let them out with the other dogs. It is the frightened and insecure dog that will bite you. These dogs wouldn't even come out for the first day. They stood in their doorways and growled at me, like a couple of wolves peeking out of a cave. (I'm thinking this is going to be a very long week and a very messy run, if they never come out)

I started by opening their gates and then going to the other side of the play yard with all the other dogs. They did finally take a chance and checked out their side of the play yard. I did this for a few playtimes and then I sat with them for a session. No pressure, I let them come up to me. Doppler is a love-bug, but still a little too submissive for my taste. I think the current owners must have rescued these two from someone who was really mean to them. Sometimes you can never cure the abuse a dog received as a puppy.

And it turns out that White Fang is a leaner and a big, heavy leaner at that. Leaners like to lean into whoever is petting them. The better the petting, the bigger the lean. My man Fang is about 130 pounds of leaning power. I thought I was going to end up squashed like a bug under him.

I still don't let them mix with the other dogs. They might never de able to socialize with any dogs, but they do have a good time together. And instead of them being afraid of me, and me of them; I get kisses and leans.

Dog aren't the only wild things around here.

Yesterday morning, I counted 13 deer just over my back fence line. Actually, there were 14, but the last one, I never saw just heard him. It is a baby braying from under a clump of pinion and scrub pines. Mom must have put him there to stay safe while the rest of group finished eating. From the amount of noise he was making, I'd say he was not happy with the arrangement.

This is the largest group I have ever seen here. All winter, we had a group of eight that dined on my husband's archery targets until the hay bales collasped.

And lately, it has been a group of 4 or 5 that show up in the evenings.

But 14, that is a record.

I wonder what I will see today.

The Chaser becomes the Chasee

Sunny is a herder by breed. I keep telling him, ‘they are not sheep!’, but it does not deter him from trying to steer all the other dogs. And where is he trying to make them go anyway; it isn’t that big of a play yard. I guess it really is the journey and not the destination in Sunny’s case.

He runs round and round, while barking and barking, and generally bugs the begeebers out of the other dogs. Well, the table has been turned and the chaser has become the chasee, and he is not happy about it. Nellie has been running Sunny ragged since she got here.

Dogs don’t have a real highly development sense of irony, but I do. Go get ‘em, Nellie!

Don't corner the shitzus.

We have quite the dueling pair with Sasha and Seirra. They are backing off all the big dogs with their fearless back to back fighting stance. I haven't seen such teamwork or footwork since the last time I watch the 3 Musketeers.

Don't mess with the ladies, they are armed and dangerous.

They are also smaller than a loaf of bread and very fluffy.

The Dog's Mom, The Dog's Dad

There is a lot of us out there. Those dog owner who consider and call the dog their child. Doggie Moms and Dads.

I found one while on the pursuit of sticking a picture at the top of this page.

My son

Check it out, he has a very cute four legged son, and the dog now has an adorable baby sitter, as well.

To all the moms and dads that started with dogs, I say, 'Bravo!' and that if you did a good job raising the dog, you are ready for the baby.

People will laugh and tell you that having dogs is nothing like having kids. They are not nearly as right as they think. Parenting is parenting, and dog are kids. I know there are a number of differences…like paying for obedience training but never having to pop for out of state college tuition. My dogs will never need just the right shoes, and though they whine for bread and bacon, they will never bug me for a Malibu Barbie or a Power Ranger. And as for the nitty-gritty stuff, scooping poop is tedious and stinky, but it is never as up close and personal as a diaper change. And no matter how hard it was to house break the dog, potty training will give you fond memories of it.

I am working on a guide for all those doggie Moms and Dads to help them thru the transistion from Fido to Junior. The working title is My Big Sisters are Labradors. I am hoping this blog generates a few more chapters so I can finish it up. Wish me luck!

Who has been sleeping in my bed.

As I mentioned before, we have bought the dogs their very own beds, with the hope of reclaiming our own.

I know some people are wondering why sleeping with the dog is bad. Sleeping with kids is not much better. I am actually starting to wonder about sharing with my husband. Maybe Rob and Laura Petrie may have had the right idea with the separate beds.

The advantages to sleeping with the dog is the heat. The disadvantage can also be the heat.
There are some other problems with dogs in your bed, I have named them:

Canine Migration
If you ever get out of bed for a trip to the bathroom, deal with baby, or talk a toddler back into bed; you know where the dog moved to - your spot.

Canine encroachment
If you don't get out, you will get moved over. My dog, Inertia, is the queen of canine encroachment. She starts on my husband's right and whenever he rolls over she matches him and fills the space he just left. On an average night, Inertia can claim half of king size bed with both of us squished into my side.

The Blanket Pin
This is Vector's specialty. She always manages to get some portion of my blanket under her butt. And always in such a way as to leave me with a cold air gap on the other side.

Up Means Out
Back to getting out of bed. To my dogs, me being up means that they should get to go out. That is some serious midnight mileage in this house. All the way downstairs and around to the front of the house. I am not up for that much exercise in the daylight, no way in the dark. I am convinced that my dogs have learned to fake a throwing up sound, so that my husband will leap out of bed and let them out.

Don't Go Back to Bed without Me
And of course, if you did make the round trip to the front door and back to bed. The dogs will want to come back in just after you dosed off.

I guess you are stuck with the last two whether or not you share your bed with the dogs. But I will warn you now, if you let them head up the stairs first, you are going to have canine migration on your hands.

Poodle Breathe

This is yet another of my highly unscientific research projects, but I think poodles have the worst breath. Let me tell you, I do get breathed on quite a bit. So, I do have a reasonably large sample for my research.

Dog breath is never great, but poodle breath is awful and it is the same for all poodles. Big or little. Yucko! Why is this, what about poodles make everything and anything turn into canine halitosis.

And why we are at it, what makes them all such pests. My father would have called them 'itches', that what he called me and my siblings when ever we were bugging and bugging at him. Poodles are a lot like 5 year olds, they just don't get it when someone doesn't want to play with them. They just bug, and bug, and bug at the other dog until the dog relents and plays, heads back to the quiet of their own kennel, or the poodle finds there is someone better to bug.

Happy Easter to All You Bunnies!

One day off and it is back to be chased on Monday!

Do you know when dogs celebrate Easter?
About two weeks later, that is when those unfound eggs are at their best.

It is good to have friends.

This is Sunny. He was SO excited about coming to the kennel. He pulled his Mom all the way down the path. I could see the disappointment in his face when he saw that there were no other dogs.

He only had me to play with, and I don't run around so what good am I.


Then Gus arrived. Gus is just a puppy and a very little puppy at that. He is a jack russell terrier. I knew I had a good match for Sunny. Gus didn't think so. He didn't want to come out of the kennel. The first time he came out, met Sunny and headed back in for safety. The next play time, he gave Sunny a snif, too. Third time is a charm, he put his paws up on Sunny's nose and played.

The dog trainers call this socialization. I say it is good to have friends. Playing with other dogs is the best thing you can do for your dogs. Think about it, you wouldn't let your toddler hang out with a bunch of grad students. Everyone needs friends their own 'age'. For that dogs need dogs.

Try it out, take your dog to a dog park or just out with your friend's dogs. You will see an improvement in all of your dog's behaviors. There must be something to learning where you stand in the dog universe that give a dog a sense of identity and confidence. A happy and confident dog is a great dog. A scared and timided dog will be the one who bites you.

Piddle Happens..to Me!

Well, Gus must have been really happy to see me. When I picked him up, he peed all over my lap. The one thing I learned with motherhood, all the stuff your kids get on you washes off. Well, most anyway.

My biggest worry was that once Gus did it, everyone else would feel obligated to over-mark me.


This is where is gets a little gross, so if you still have the ability to be grossed out. Stop Here.

I lost my ability to be grossed out after I had kids. Changing diapers, being thrown up on, cleaning up blood, all in a mom's day. You don't even think about it. None of the moms do. No one likes barf, right. The smell alone will make you want to add to the mess. But not a mom, the first reaction to a sick little kids is to cup her hands under their mouths. If this doesn't prove that your mother will love you no matter what awlful things you might do; I don't know what will.

It is my personal theory that the reason we have our husbands in the delivery room is not to stand up in the stirrups and yell, "You will never be naked in my presence again!" It is to let them in on the un-told yuckiness that is parenthood.

When my children were about 6 and 4, my husband mentioned to me that, "I didn't want to say anything at the time, but the birth was pretty gross." Gee, do you think. It's not like pregnancy was 9 months of your body finding new and imaginative ways to gross you out.

I like to tell doggie moms and dads, when they are expecting their first REAL kid, that they will do just fine, the dog has already taught them that they can love something that make disgusting messes.

Don't shoot the dogs. Don't blame the judge. Lets, just knock the owner upside the head.

Big public interest story on the news, here in Utah. A woman in Herriman went to jail yesterday for keeping too many dogs. It seems that she was cited for having 7 dogs in the past and was given a warning to get rid of the extras. The rule is only two dogs per household unless you get a kennel permit. And she didn't get rid of the extra dogs. I understand that she is fostering these dogs and does this a lot. She just didn't find homes for them in the time allotted.

Okay, I love dogs, too. But if you want to have too many, pop for the kennel license. How hard is that. You pay, they inspect. It is that easy. Herriman even has a special designation for people fostering dogs. That seems like the easiest solution to me, it has to cheaper than 180 days in jail that she was sentenced to.

And now for the judge, his 'easiest solution' was for her to, "just shoot the dogs" before the court's deadline. Come on judge, that was not only thoughtless it was heartless. Your telling me, the judge doesn't know about kennel license, either?

Maybe they should forget about licensing the dogs in Herriman, require tags on all the idiots. Think of all the revenue it would generate.

Lullabies for Doggies?

The Salt Lake Trib had an article about a CD of lullabies for dogs. It made me think about that dog laughter researcher. I checked out the lullaby site. What they have done is create music over the sound of a heartbeat. It works for babies (Too bad I can't try it out on my son - got up every two hours for more than two years. He would have been the ultimate testing.), so they tried it on dogs.

I still like the dog laughter idea better, because playing lullabies non-stop at the kennel might calm the nuisnace barkers, but it will definitely send me screaming into the night.

I emailed the woman doing the laughter research and asked for a recording. I think she could have a platium record on her hands. And I know my neighbors would appreciate it.

The ranch has a bad case of testosterone poisoning the week.

Gunny and Durango insist on turning circles, toe to tail while growling.

Durango keeps trying to mount Drake.

Drake is fine with Gunny in the play yard, but will throw himself at Gunny's kennel door the moment I put Gunny in. Sure, anyone can attack a rottweiler behind industrial fencing.

Chewy, who is small, furry, ferocious, and also Gunnies big brother, is trying to defend his brother from all these big dogs. Really quite funny to see a shitzu running off a labrador to protect a giant rottweiler. Once a big brother, always a big brother.

And when not trying to show his superiority to all of the boys, Durango has been trying to get Roxy's attention.

Sorry Dur, Roxy only has eyes for her ball, so give it up. She is just not going to be impressed by you peeing on her kennel door, either. She is just not that kind of a girl. But if you were small, round, and yellow - she would be all over you.

Jager, Bull, and Goofy, it's like a parade

Unrequited Love...

Goofy has decided to love someone his own size this weekend. And, NO, is it not me. Goofy is in love with Bull, a bull mastif. Bull is currently the same size as Goofy, but he has yet to grow into his head.

But as usual, this is a unrequited love for Goofy. I'm the only one who actually loves him. Because, Bull only has eyes for Jager, who is small, fluffy, and black. (This would normallly be who Goofy would be in love with.)

Jager, who is too old for this, is having nothing to do with either of them.

Dogs seem to have the right idea on family.

Now, I have two dogs that are actually sisters. They are littermates. But I have a client that has 2 dogs, also labs, that have the same parents but are not littermates. They liked the first dog so much, they went back and got another puppy from the same breeding pair. And then there are dogs that are no relation at all just living in the same family. Take Gunny and Chewy, that is a monster rottweiler and a shitzu. And of course, the shitzu is the big brother.

To dogs, all the dogs in a household are brothers and sisters. Dogs belonging to other members of the same family are called 'cousin dogs' by me. I get a lot of cousin dogs when the whole family goes to a wedding or on a cruise.

And to the city council member of Kanab, a family is all about love, acceptance, togetherness, and playtime. And no one's family is any better than anyone else's - just ask their dog.

Spring has arrived and she is showing her teeth!

Somehow I managed to forget that April doesn't just bring rain, it brings dog bites. We have had 3 bites in one week here at the ranch. On the news, there were 4 dogs shot after attacking some kids in SLC. The paper had a story about a girl bit by a neighborhood dog.

I don't know the cause, but spring brings out the worst in otherwise normal dogs. Last year, I had a policeman tell me that there are more dog bites in the spring than the rest of year combined.

One of my biters is just plain mean and isn't welcome back here at any time. The other is a rambucious dog that has been here a hundred times. She has always played too rough, but I would not have suspected her of biting.

So, if you are out enjoying the weather, really keep an eye out for dogs this season. If you own a dog, these are my suggestions:

Get the dog out for some exercise. A physically exhausted dog is a happy dog and not a biter.

If your dog is aggressive in any way, at any time, get help. Aggression is not something that a dog will 'get over', 'grow out of', or 'is just part of being a dog'. It is a problem that will only get bigger and bigger. There is a point of no return. And as much as I hate the idea, if your dog is a biter, you will have to euthanasia your pet.


I look back on the fights and bites I have had here. And when you think of the total number of different dogs we have here everyday, it is a very small number. There was always a warning behavior that I should have come down on hard, before it got to the point of biting.

The big punishment around here, is a time-out in their run. Works great on the dogs, doesn't work as well with my kids, though. If I put a dog in the run for about 10 minutes while every other dog gets to play; I will have a very polite dog when they do get to play.

So let's be careful out there, spring can have a really big set of teeth.

Brotherly Love

These puppies belong to another blogger, Ruth. Her dog just had 5 puppies, and her other dog is due this week with another 4!

Those are her daughter's hands, only 12. So these are some little guys. Check out all the mommy and baby photos at her place.


Dog nuts, we just FIND each other.

Spring Forward, Fall Back...

And everyone gets to be a sleep deprived zombie for a couple of days.

Dogs and kids don't get the time change. My dogs get up by the sun and not the clock. This was really a problem at our first house. It was at the top of a hill and I swear we got daylight at 4 am in the summer. Now we live in the mouth of a canyon and we never get a sunrise before 6am. Or maybe the dogs have just gotten old like me and are just more interested in sleeping in than greeting the day.

This morning I got up at my regular hour, thanks to the un-snoozable alarm that is Vector. But I didn't have to go down to the dogs until 8am. Which was really the usual time, but made me feel decadent and lazy without any actual neglecting any of my charges.

I must be the only person that enjoys the first day of daylight savings time.

At the Yawning Dog Ranch, your dogs walk all over me!

Piddle Happens...Puppies Welcome!

See what happens when you share your doggie jokes. At least someone thinks they are funny.

The newest tile from Sharon. Check out all her stuff at her Near Holy Studio.

Never say NEVER again....

I am having two of the weirdest weeks. Last week we were full to overflowing. (Eunice even had to spend a day in the house with us. I think we stressed her out pretty bad. Eunice is not used to having children in her house.)

I turned over 10 people away for last week and last weekend. But as of Monday, I only had one dog coming at noon. A night off and a morning off, I was going to enjoy taking a shower instead of giving dogs their breakfast at 7am. I am glad I still got up early, Vector insisted. I got a phone call at 6:50 wanting to drop a dog off at 7:20 - so much for my shower.

But this is it for this week, 1 doggie daycare and 1 overnight for Monday. No dogs until Friday, and as of 8am only 2 dogs for the weekend.

It won't last, the kennel gods must have heard me say 'day off'.

Variety is the very spice of life.

I was thinking about this the other day, you can have a normal health Chihuahua that only weighs 3 pounds and a equally healthy 120 plus pound beast like Goofy, who is of questionable parentage. Dogs come in snow white, every shade of brown and grey, all the way to a black that practically sucks in light, even yellow, red, or orange. There is every possible pattern of spotting and solids and you can sorta count brindles as being striped. Vizslas, Weimaraner, Great Danes, all have fur so short it feels like silk and there is no way you can grab one of these ‘fur-less wonders’ and try to steer it into a kennel. Then there are the furry beasts, the ones that molt more than shed, the ones you can knit yourself a new dog every time you comb them out. (I actually have a friend who turns her dog’s fur into yarn and then knits with it – so while you and I fight to reclaim the house from dog fur, she is wearing it)

Think about it, dog skulls range from the size of an egg to just bigger than the turkey I served at Thanksgiving.

If we had the variety in people that there are in dogs, we would range from a foot tall to 20 feet. We do come in all the same colors as dogs; white, tan, brown, caramel, and black but no spots. I think spotted people would be pretty cool. If anyone finds a picture of a person tattooed into a stunning Guernsey cow design – forward that puppy.

Turns out I am not the only one who thinks about these crazy things. The Salt Lake Trib had an article on a team of researchers from the University of Utah that are studying zebra fish colors. They hope to find the gene that controls pigment. Using this information they may be able to determine why we come in the colors that we do and only those colors. Isn’t science fun?

Where the Wild Things Are

Last weekend I had the wild bunch come to stay with me.

We had every variety of toy issue that a dog can come up with.

Mine, Mine, Mine - leave me alone I am happy with MINE. This is Roxy, she gets a ball and can play all day, all by herself. She sometimes lets me play a little soccer with her, but mostly she is good if she has a ball to herself. She not particular about the ball either - tennis, the 8 inch softball that BB left last time she was here, the squashed dog ball, or the deflated mini basketball - all good as long as she is left alone.

Throw it, Throw it, Throw it! Now, Now, Now! That would be Packer of the mighty bark. He can chase until my arm falls off. You would think I would have developed a bicep like Arnold, or at least be able to throw something across the kennel without sending it over the fence, but no I still 'throw like a girl'. Packer is a labrador retriever and unlike my labs that can't get the retrieve part, Packer will just keep bring the toys back over and over again. That is if he can find the toy. Like my two dogs, who cannot find a piece of salami on the kitchen floor without having it pointed out, Packer is not a tracker. What he did learn is that if he cannot find his toy, Roxy always has one. Yikes.

Throw it, Throw it, Throw it! But I won't Give it, Give it, Give it! This is the most common of flawed dog logic. I want to chase it, I want to have it, if I give it to you, I can chase it again, but then I won't have it. This usually leads to me trying to pull a muddy, slobery toy out of a dog's mouth. This is usually the point where I rethink my career choice.

I Got It! Chase Me! This is Miss Daisy's thing. She wants to be chased and she figures stealing the toys is the best way to get attention. It doesn't really work. There are dogs that chase after balls but would never chase another dogs. We have dogs that chase but are never the chasee. Of course they never show up at the same time as Daisy, the ultimate chasee. I learned something new about Miss Daisy, she is a kennel toy hoarder. She has been dashing back out of her kennel when I try to put her brother in, grabbing a toy and stuffing behind their water dish. I counted 7 tennis ball, and 2 rope toys when I cleaned out her kennel yesterday.

Toy hoarding. There are a number of different styles to toy hoarding. Milly is of the 'Look there another one!' mentality. She grabs a toy and puts it in her designated toy spot, never the same place twice. Then she heads out for more. Of course while she is gone, the toys magically disappear. But this never bothers Milly, she just has the chance to collect and collect an collect and the pile never gets any bigger. I can't not say the same for my collections.

And then there is Moe. She is the pinnacle of toy hoarders. She wants all the toys, she is fast enough to beat any dog to any thrown toy, and she plans to hold on to all of them, forever. Moe sits on her collection. And when any dogs, including the ones that have no interest in Moe or her toys, goes by she shows her teeth and growls. This approach doesnot slow down her brother, Roo, at all. He just reaches in a takes a toy just to make her nuts. She has to leave her nest unguarded and chase Roo to get her treasure back. This proves that big brothers treat little sisters exactly the same regardless of species.

As you might have guessed, I had a long weekend of making sure Roxy has her ball, and to always have a toy ready to throw for Packer, being careful when I bent over to pick anything up, because Goofy would try to have his way with me. (Goofy, I'm married, besides these interspecies relationship never work out) But, now I know I just have to check Daisy's run for extra ammunition.

I always wondered what would happen if I used the electric dog collars on the kids...

I thought it would just get me killed by their grandmother. But, no, it will get you a call from the Department of Child and Family Services.

It seems that a man in Cedar City has been using a training collar to discipline his two boys, both are around 6 years old. He is facing charges, the kids are still with their mom who might be facing charges. The newspaper reported that there are no marks on the kids.

I have one of those collars, I can zap my dogs from up to a mile away. I use it when we are out in the desert and the deer are down out of the mountains. It works great at stopping a dog from chasing a deer. They zap like a static charge, it will definitely get your attention, but not hurt you. Well of course I tried it on me before I put it on my precious puppies.

I have often thought that people treat their dogs better than there kids. This guy is in deep doodoo for treating them the same.

I am interested to hear what happens in this case. It the zapper collar more punishing than spanking, or is it just because it is a 'dog' punisher?

In like a lamb, out like a lion or strike that and reserve it.

That might be March in the rest of the country, but in Utah, we have a slightly different version.

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lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion...


Sometimes all in the same day.
Take Tuesday, the kids got up in a snow storm and wanted to go sledding. Not enough time before school. The little one gets home at 10:30 and it is sunny now and the snow is all gone. Back at lunch, gone by the time the first grader gets home at 3pm. Snow starts again at 4pm. The kiddos are watching a cartoon and I figure sledding afterwards. The snow stopped and the sun came out any the sledding slope in the yard turned back into mud. All before 5pm. Have dinner and the snow is back, in force. They finally get to go sledding around 6pm and lasted until the little one hit the apple tree. He came in and declared that he would never sled again. He changed it to never sledding head first again. That works for mom.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland...

My least favorite part of running a dog kennel is putting the dogs to bed. It's late, I'm tired, lately it has been VERY cold. And I have run out of excuses to get my husband to do it. So off I went into the snow and cold at 9pm.

I stepped into a winter wonderland. It had stopped snowing and there was no wind. Everything was coated in snow. Even the chain link and the dog runs looked gorgeous.

Walking in a winter wonderland, in the lane snow is glistening, a beautiful sight we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland. Well, up until the flying leap of love that is BB hit me it the chest. Gee, maybe the dogs don't like my singing afterall.

Maybe I should just keep it a secret.

I sing to the dogs. I have the worst singing voice, but the dogs are pretty tolerant. Along with giving everyone’s dog a nickname, I sing to them. I have my basic repertoire of Roger and Hammerstein musicals, Beatles tunes, the theme songs to pretty much anything on Nickelodeon, and Christmas carols. See, I have a useless ability to remember song lyrics. I can’t remember anybody’s name, but I can get through at least two verse of any song from memory. You won’t be able to recognize the tune when I sing it, but I do have all the words right.


Usually, I pick a song that has their name in it. Penny gets ‘Pennies from Heaven’ and ‘Penny Lane’ thought that one tends to get stuck in a verse loop. For Blue, I tried ‘Am I Blue’ but that didn’t fit any better than trying to call her a Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine. (Not a mean bone in that dogs body.)

And then there is BB. I like to call her BeBe, baby in French. And she gets serenaded with an off keep rendition of ‘Baby Love’ whenever I am trying to get her back into her kennel. This entails a number of high speed fly by’s before she decides, “oh yeah, I can go in now.”

This morning, I was singing inside the kennel building while getting all the doggies their breakfasts. One major problem with my kennel building is a lack of sound proofing on the inside. When the dogs get going, we are clearly above any OSHA standard requiring ear protection. (But, don’t rat me out) What I discovered this morning is that I sound great in there, it is like I have back up singers. Forget the shower, sing in the kennel. Besides, dogs will put up with anything if you are the one doling out the kibble.

If everyone is IRISH on St. Patrick's Day...

Then all dogs must be IRISH SETTERS!

Once you own a 7 foot tall blue papermache dog, you just have to drag him out for all parade occasions. I got him, my dogs, and the kids all green bandanas. They looked great.

It was very cold and very snowy, but there was still a really big crowd for the parade.

I was joking that I should have brought the boom box and the cd of dogs barking Christmas carols. With all that snow, it seemed to fit. Maybe next year someone will release a CD of dog barking Irish drinking songs...it could be huge.

"He is MY dog!"

That is what I heard from the backseat when Carl got dropped off yesterday.

I look in to see a little girl holding a stuffed dog. It turns out that the stuffed dog is also named Carl. Imagine that!? She let me see her precious stuffed Carl, and I must report that he was wearing his dog tag. Looks like stuffed Carl is also up on his rabies shots.

This little stuffed dog has been owned by this little girl FOREVER. And she had been asking for a real beagle just like her stuffed beagle for FOREVER.

When they went to the animal shelter to adopt a beagle, there was only one. And his name tag said, 'Carlton'. Perfect! It was love at first sight for the little girl and for her parents. Carl was the only dog in a rather large group of dogs at the shelter who was not barking. Yes, you read that right - a beagle that doesn't bark. I didn't think that was genetically possible.

We were afraid that he might pick up the barking habit from the wild things we have staying at the ranch this week, but so far so quiet. Well, at least Carl is quiet.

It is not the size of the dog, it is the width of the mean streak…

Size doesn’t matter

I have decided, through close, thorough, and completely unscientific observation, size does not matter in dogs. It seems that they don’t really have a good grasp of their actual size. I often see tiny dogs playing with giants. Hysterical to me, oblivious to them.

And exactly who appointed the shitzu as ruler of the universe. Every single one I have ever met is aware of their ultimate superiority over all dogs, and of course all of us lowly humans.

a wee bit of clarification...

When I put together my business plan to start this dog business, I had to guess about how much business I would really have.

So I surveyed my friends with dogs: How often do you travel in a year? And for how long each time? Weekends? Day trips across the mountain?

And from there, I just guessed. Full on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Empty for Easter - everyone takes their dog for Eastering in the desert.

I was so right about Thanksgiving and Christmas, and wrong about Easter. There is a lot of Easter travel that doesn't include camping in the desert.

Here are all the other times I never thought of:

The whole family goes away together. My biggest competition is people with plenty of family to impose upon. But when the whole clan goes to Disney together, I can fill the entire kennel with cousin dogs. This also happens for out of town weddings and funerals.

Then there are the sport weekends, as I mentioned in the last post. There are many NASCAR fans in Carbon County and I think they all have dogs.

And hunting season, you can't take your dogs hunting during deer and elk season. It is also very popular to send your husband off to the mountains and then take your girlfriends off to Wendover, I know am much more aware of when the seasons start and end.

People coming to town with their dogs, but the dogs can't stay with them. Not a lot of the local hotels allow dogs and I know of at least one grandma that won't let the grand-dog in the house. (Now, in her defense, she did come out and thoroughly inspect me and my place before her grand-dog came to stay.)

I even had a dog come all the way from Minnesota. His owners had booked a river raft trip down the Colorado River. After that they were going swing back north and pick him up for the trip to Wyoming. That is a well traveled dog.

The owner of the old Red Collar Kennel, which closed years before I opened, told me that I would be full everyday of the week. Funny, I really didn't believe her.

Is the game on?

I have discovered yet another weird side effect of opening a dog kennel. I am now aware of major sporting events. You see, I am one of the most sport-a-ly challenged people in all of America. I was actually worried that my kids would not be able to name a football, baseball, or basketball when they went off to school. We watch NO sports in this house. The closest they have come to a sport is watching golf at Gram’s house or maybe a few seconds of fast forwarded football when I am stopping only to watch the commercials on the Super Bowl.

But now, I can tell you when the NASCAR races are in Las Vegas; when the state wrestling tournaments are; when BYU plays University of Utah, and so on. All of which is really wasted on me.

I once was banded from ‘buying a square’ on a gambling grid at my office back in Chicago because I asked who was playing and then said, “Oh, it is basketball season?” Gambling I understand, that the Chicago Bulls were going to the Championship; Gee, I must have missed that.

I’m not as bad as Uncle Victor who was once shocked that a quarterback could make the same spectacularly bad play twice in a row. Instant Replay.

Too much of a good thing?

So how many is too many dogs?

For my mom, the answer is one.

For me, it is two. As much as I loved Sammy Dog, three was really a hassle. Now I really don't know how it would be to have just one dog, we got two puppies at the same time under the theory that they would 'keep each other company'.

Salt Lake City and I think, Kanab, have just changed their dog and cat ownership rules. In Kanab, you can have 3 dogs still but the price just went through the roof. Dog licenses are now $100 for the second and $200 for the third. Salt Lake is doing something different, they aren't raising the rates, they are cutting the number of dogs you can legally have to 2 per household.

Now, I am of the belief that the number of kids is not as important as how you raise them. This applies to kids, dogs, cats, or even goldfish. If you can't feed them, pay attention to them, train them, and pay the medical bills on them - don't have them.

I am also in favor of licensing, that is for the dogs and cats, I assume you can keep track of the kids. The main purpose of city licensing is to make everyone get their shots, encourage spaying and neutering, and to be able to return a lost pet. Licenses is supposed to be helpful, not a punishment.

I don't know what Kanab was thinking when they decided to raise the rate higher than my gas bill. They are only punishing the law abiding citizen. If runaways are the problem, fine the tar out of those owners.

And what is with SLC? Do you really think that people will just get rid of an extra dog because the city regulations say so? There should have at least been a grandfather clause allowing owners to register dogs they already have. Can you image having to give up a dog you have had for 10 years or move? I'd move. So SLC, is going to have more unregistered dogs, or more older dogs turned into the shelters, or have people move away.

Here in progressive, friendly Carbon County you can have 3 dogs before you have to get a kennel license. And if you want your own pack, the kennel license is $25 and you have to have your place inspected by the staff at the animal shelter. The actual dog licenses are $5 for a neutered dog.

Save money, get more dogs, and move to Carbon County.
And when you go on vacation, you can park the dogs with me.

Never a dull momet here at the Ranch.

I got up extra early today because I had a dog coming at 7am and because I thought I would be shoveling snow.

I got out of the shoveling duty. The snow we got last night stuck to the grass but melted off the driveway. This is a very good thing for a number of reasons: my driveway is beyond long, my husband is out of town, and my friend with the ATV who plows my drive is in London.

But I was up and out at 7am, which also turned out to be a good thing. The 7am dog never showed, but the phone rang and my neighbor asked me if I was missing a horse, since one had just run past her house.

'1,2,3,4, nope, got all of mine'

That is when the police showed up, the horse came back to my neighborhood, and ended up in my neighbor's driveway. I grabbed a rope lead and tried to help the police officer. Now, he is looking at me like I know something about horses and I don't want to admit that I am just a city kid from Chicago.

Well, Helper's finest got the horse to follow him down the irrigation ditch through a little gate and into my front pasture. I was very proud of him, and very relieved that I didn't have to do it.

That young horse is not getting the welcome wagon treatment from Paradise, but everyone else seems to be adjusting to the visitor. Pagan, in particular, is enjoying herself. This is the first time she isn't the bottom of the pecking order.

Well, the horse's owners just showed up with a trailer and took our runaway on home.

Get this the horse's name is Flash.

That Pagan hamming for the camera, or maybe she just thinks it is a snack. Flash in profile and Mia peaking over Flash's back.

Eh? What was that you said?

Now, I know that I lost a great deal of my upper level hearing while dancing infront of the speakers at place called Mabel's back in my college days. And that radio played at 11 in my car probably didn't help. But I think I will be completely deaf sooner rather than later by having labradors bark in my ears.

This is the kind of thing you never think about when you write your business plan.

When you are bending over to pick up a slobber covered tennis ball to throw it for the eleventy billionth time, your ear is in perfect alignment with a dog's bark. Ouch.

Packer is the guilt party today, but there are others. They get so excited about chasing the ball again, that they bark to make you do it faster. It is not really an effective method since you have to jump back into your skin after each bark.

I was trying to defend my hearing, so I put my hand out to 'block' the bark as I picked up the ball. I could feel the sound vibrations in the palm of my hand. It's like those cars that pass with the radio so loud you can feel it in your chest.

That dog can really project.
That is it, Packer has a Mr. Limpet sound effect.

Have you ever seen the movie, 'The Incredible Mr. Limpet'? Don Knots is transformed into a animated fish complete with glasses and still looking a lot like Don Knots. As a fish, Mr. Limpet can make this amazingly loud sound that helps the Allied forces against the German submarines during WWII. (Great movie, haven't seen it in year, will have to add it to my Amazon wish list.)

If only we could harness Packer's power for good.

I am going to stick to dogs and give up on computers

Please bear with me as I attempt to improve my blog.

When I preview the changes, I see a whole dog and my title in the right place. But somehow, that is not what I get after I re-launch the code back into cyber-space. I get a half a dog and my title shoved into a corner.

Well, this was a waste of a morning. Let's see what 'Blogging for Dummies' has to say about this.

Please comment if you see a whole dog, too.

Grandparents raising the Grandkids....

I have read about a growing phenomenon of grandparents stepping in and raising their own grandchild. Did you know that it is happening for grand-dogs, too?

neither did I.

But I'd say a good 10% of my doggie clients started out as the 'kid's dog' and became 'mom's dog'. I just had a set of four dropped off yesterday, two are mom and dad's and two were contributed to mom and dad by one of their kids. I understand that they will be returning to a family of 2 dogs when said 'kid' gets their dog back this May. (I hope the 'kid' knows about this.)

funniest one has to been the 12 year old son who proudly brought home a dog one day, only to have his parent's remind him that he is deathly allergic to dogs. The dad, and still owner of the dog, explained that alfalfa is an excellent natural anti-allergen and he just stuffed tablet after tablet in. I had to ask "in the dog" or "in the kid"? (in the kid) I laugh because as I am listening to this story, I am watching that same son puff up and stuff up just dropping that same dog off - only it's about 10 years later.


I know my parents are willing to babysit the two legged grandkids, but they draw the line at the dogs. I would never have the guts to drop a dog off on my parents. They might keep the dog, but I would definitely be disowned.

Is your dog a Love-Hog?

I have quite a few love-hogs at the kennel. Those are the dogs that feel no one should get any loving other than them. Some are even ferocious about not sharing the love; they will drive off any dog that comes within a yard of me.

Today's love-hog is Dufus. She is a very cute grey terrier. She puts her legs on my knee whenever I am sitting down, but will never jump up into my lap. Carolina has taken to approaching from the rear and sneaking a pet from under my arm. Dufus is now onto this maneuver.

Boy, was she put out when Skittles just sailed right over her head and into my arms.