I am anti-chain letter.

As a rule, I never forward any message that asks me to do so. I never sent out a chain letter before email, either. I don't pass on jokes and funny pictures, but I do read them to my husband and show the funny dog pictures to the kids.

But my brother forwarded this onto me and I just had to share it. So officially, I have not forwarded on a chain letter. Right?

Dog's Letter to God

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it going to be the Same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the P! early Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell!

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps, or the oriental rugs.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally my last question;

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Anti-Labrador?

I have an unfriendly lab staying with me. I would have said that was an impossibility, but there she is. She doesn’t like the other dogs. She only kinda likes me. And she doesn’t like my husband at all. And, really, all dogs love my husband.

Labs are just plain happy dogs. They are just so happy to have other dogs to play with. Happy with whatever human they have to love on.

She is an anti-labrador. She doesn’t want to play and only occasionally does she want any petting or scratching from me. But when she does she growls at any other dog that come up to me. Usually it is the other way around for a lab. Mostly, I end up steering an overly enthusiastic lab away from some other dog that has just had it with them. She is happy alone on her side of the play yard. A time-out by themselves is an excellent way to get a dog to behave around the other dogs. Play too rough and they get 10 minutes in their run, all alone. Time-outs never worked on my kids, but they are really effective with dogs. Sitting out while the other dogs play is a pretty strong motivator. This is especially true for labs, they do not like to be alone. But this dog is actually happiest by herself. She is not a bad dog in any way, just isn’t a Labrador in any way other than appearance.

I have two black labs. If you look up gregarious in the dictionary, isn’t there a picture of a Labrador in there. My labs think everyone who comes to the house came only to see them. The UPS guy cannot deliver a package without a huge dose of doggie love at this house. No one is safe from these lab’s affection.

I have a friend who is more of a cat-person. Whenever she visits, Inertia is all over her. Inertia firmly believes in the physical contact form of persuasion. If enough bodily contact is applied to a human; they will eventually love you. Inertia has complete missed the fact that this friend just keeps letting her out. I try to tell the dog, she is a dog and my friend is a cat lover. But Inertia is convinced she can win this human over to the dog side.

Though, Inertia might be onto something….this is the friend that was asking me about getting a Sheltie the other day.

The play yard never smelled so good.

My bramble rose is blooming. It is kinda lost on the dogs, they just like to chase or hide under its branches, but I love that huge bush. It only blooms for about a week, but it is so big with so many roses. It really is pretty spectacular.

I have started walking my dogs again.

Nice view, don’t ya think?

When I first got my puppies, my yard wasn’t fenced. In the 3 months before we could put in an electronic fence, I walked them 3 times a day. I lost 12 pounds that fall.

Well, I am finally feeling better and I started up again. Everything is really green and growing since we had a pretty wet winter and spring this year. This is the first time I have seen rabbits in this area. The dogs have seen them, too, and are getting a pretty good workout. But don’t worry about any bunnies being hurt. My dogs can only chase in a straight line (this is how Vector got her name). So all a bunny has to do is turn left and they are just ‘gone’ to my dogs.

How to Win Friends and Influence Dogs

These are the sure fire ways to make a dog love you, unless we are talking about a Lab, because they just love everyone on principal.

The ‘Ear Nuggy’

Unlike when your big brother grabbed your head and rubbed his knuckle into your skull, dogs really like getting an ear nuggy. You fold their ears closed and rub the inside of their ear with the outer flap of their ear. This will get you good grunty sounds and maybe even a wild rear leg thumping. Wild Rear Leg Thumping is the pinnacle of “Yes, that is the spot!” in dog communication.

The Collar Scratch

This works with most dogs, they really do like to have their whole neck scratched. But if you have a dog with a band collar, not a chain one, they just love this. Move the collar out of its permanent dent and give a good scratch all the way around their necks. You will have a friend and a job for life.

Rub the Fuzzy Butt

That is what I call it, but I actually scratch their backs at the base of the tail. I thought just Labs loved this, but it does seem to have a universal appeal whether the butt in question is tiny or big. Affection for have their tails scratch leads to some pretty funny behaviors. There are the “I really want this, but I don’t want to be rude” dogs. These guys bend themselves into a ‘U’ trying to continue to look at me while still aiming their rears at me. And then there are the “I don’t care if it is rude, I know what I want” dogs. They just back right up to me whenever I am sitting down.

Go head and try it out. Like I said “a friend and a job for life”.

Meet The Boys...

This is a set of brothers, chocolate labs about 6 months old. I am having a flashback to my 'girls' at that age. See when you have a matched set of puppies, sometimes you don't know who you are yelling at. So my two black labs became trained to come to the phrase, "Girls!"




You just have to get the right mom-voice inflection on it.

When Cola and Bear piled out of the car, I asked their owner, "So do they come to BOYS?"
"How did you know that?"
"You will have to meet my GIRLS."

This must be how grandmas feel when they see their own children in their grand kids.

I will have to dig out some old photos of my two and scan them in.

Slow Motion – Hot Dog Fight

It has gotten very hot, very fast here. Normally, we have a prolonged Spring that lets you work in the yard into June. But not this year, it feels like July already. The dogs are all molting and I have a kennel full of fur. But yesterday’s playtime was really funny due to the heat.

I am sitting in between the kennel building and a storage shed. It is the only shady place around lunch time. It is really more like a hallway than anything else. So there I am with a fluffy white poodle named Jasper on my lap watching Brewster and Tobit wrestle around. When it dawns on me that they are moving in slow motion. It’s a Hot Dog Fight. They played for about 20 minutes, never left the little space of shade, and did all of their moves at about half speed.

Of course, this would be a excellent opportunity to get a picture of a Boxer in action. But no, I forgot the camera this time.

We Have a New Record for Longest Dog

No, I think the title should be Far-est. Farther-est, Further-est. Wait none of those aren't real words.

Well Brewster, here, has traveled the long distance to get to my kennel. He is from Pennsylvania, somewhere outside Pittsburg. (I’m from PA, too. Somewhere outside Philly) The previous title holder came from Minnesota, he owners went on rafting trip down the Colorado and came back up to grab him before heading onto Idaho.

So I just had to ask, “What brings you to Price?” I found me asking this very funny, because everyone asks me that when they find out we are from Chicago. Turns out they are from here and their son goes to CEU.

Well, welcome back even if it is just for a visit.

Sick as a Dog. Why do they say that, the dogs are the healthiest ones in the house.

Sorry about the lack of postings, but everone in the house has been sick lately. Except the dogs, they are just fine. Between the preschool, the grade school, and the college, we get pretty much any germ that hits Carbon County. My husband had strep, and my son had bronchitis so bad he couldn't breath, and I, as usual, got the barfies. Everyone has bounced back now, except the house it is looking a little under the weather.

All these medicines made me think of the day I tried to give cough syrup to about 9 dogs. There was so much red goop all over me and the entire kennel that it looked like a bad science fiction movie.

One morning in February of last year, I went down to the kennel and it sounded like a TB ward. After reprimanding the dogs to cut their smoking back to a pack a day - I freaked out and called the Vet. Because I am a high level worrier, I can work with little or no material, jump to a conclusion faster than anyone I know, and always land at the worst case scenario. KENNEL COUGH. That is a real dog disease, and I know it is bad because they have a shot for it. They only make shots for the really bad stuff, so this must be really bad.

Until I talked to the Vet - I love my vet, he answers all of my panicky calls and doesn't laugh at me at all. He told me that it can't be Kennel Cough because 1) I only have dogs with their shots and 2) it takes 2 weeks to come down with it not an overnight. He told me to give them all a dose of Robitussin.

I hate that stuff. My kids hate that stuff. Turns out dogs also hate that stuff. So there I am bottle in one hand, baby medicine syringe in the other. I am sure you can picture the results. By the time I got to the other end of the kennel, the bottle was empty and my hair had absolutely no chance of ever having a cough ever again.

If they all came out, they all have to go back in.

Putting the dogs back in their kennels after a playtime is a complicated little dance. It is quite similar to the begging, cajoling, bribing and threatening that it takes to get my kids to leave a friend’s house.

There are the dogs that you just call and open the gate. But for every one of those you get, you get two of the ‘I’m not going and you can’t make me' breed. That would be when the begging, cajoling, bribing and threatening comes in. There really is an art form to the entire process and you just have to know what kind of dog you have to get it to work.

There is Tessie who has to be the last one out and the first one put back in. If you mess this up, she will whip into every kennel to grab a toy or a mouthful of food.

There is the kennel pile up. This is when too many dogs cluster around the kennel that invariably belongs to a timid dog that is now cowering behind the crowd at his door. Poor Emmy is suffering from this. She wants to be the first one to go in, but can't cut through to her door.

There are ones that will only go in if I stand inside their runs. This can be tricky for me to get out with them remaining inside. Smokey suffers from this problem, which is aggravated by the fact that he has a giant rawhide in his kennel that every other dog wants. So in his case, every dog but him will leap into his run.

There are the ones that only listen if they are on a lease. Also tricky to get the lease out and keep the dog in. Daisy was pulling this stunt for a while, but now she has the hang of our routine.

The Make Me’s are the most trying of all. There are the itty bitty dogs that no one teaches to come. Those you have to chase and grab and place in the run. Big Make Me’s are another story. You can get behind them and try to shove. You can get in front of them and try to pull. This when I usually pull out a milkbone; we are not above bribery here at the ranch.

Then there are the Last’s. The dogs that have to be the very last one in or they won’t go in. This is a huge problem when you have two Last’s. They will stay and run and play forever as you yell yourself hoarse trying to get their attentions. The foolproof way to break up this fun is to let A get in B’s kennel and vise versa. Never underestimate a dog’s conviction that the other dog has it better than him. This tends to lead to both eating the other’s dinner, but that is a risk I am willing to take to get them all put away. I have a number of Last's this week: BB, Daisy, Smoky, and Roxy. Playtime has ended up a lot longer than usual this week.

There are the Bouncer's. These are the dogs that like to bounce me off the fencing. You absolutely must let these ones out or in last, or they will nail you while you are looking at the other dog. My biggest fear is that one of the Bouncer's will nail me and the gate will squish a dog. That why we have the ‘little ones first’ rule here at the Ranch. Smokey, BB, and Daisy are all Bouncer's. They are killing me, especially since it has gotten warm and I don't have a jacket to defend myself with. I have taken to carrying the pooper scooper around with me the entire playtime. If I have a tool in my hand, they seem to leave me alone. I thought it was just that they don't want to be near the dirty things, but it works for a shovel and a rake as well. I look like that American Gothic painting, I don't go anywhere in the play yard without a shovel in my hand.

Ineany, Meany, Miney, Moe...

So how do you pick a puppy?

A friend just emailed a picture of his new puppy, a teacup poodle. I was surprised, first that he even got a dog and second, a poodle? That breed is not what I would have pictured for him. My husband informs me that this guy's dad had a poodle when they were young.

So how do you pick your dog?

Get the same one you had as a kid? By the breed's reputation or rumor? What is cute on commercials, on TV shows, or in the movies? By detailed research or 'gosh, that's a cute one' impulse?

Another friend was set on getting a miniature sheltie, and I was aghast. I really thought that breed would be too barky, too hyper, and too nippy to do well with her two girls. It seems that someone else has convinced her of the same idea. So what kind of dog? Bichon? Poodle? Or my favorite, Mutt? I say try for a Shepard/Lab cross, not too big, plenty happy, and kid friendly.

So how do you pick your dog?

I got mine with the 'gee, my husband always wanted a dog' logic. I found my two puppies when trying to retrieve a large metal bowl. I had set it out on the porch to feed the birds and a very large, very red dog took off with it. That is how I came to meet DeeDee and her litter of 7 jet black puppies. "Gee, my husband always talked about getting a dog. Are you giving the puppies away?"

That impulse was followed by the equally logical, yet completely unthought through, "Why don't we get two, they will keep each other company?"

Drive By Wiemaraner Slobbering

"I've been slimed!!"


That would be Smokey. Smokey is just beautiful, all muscles and speed. And he is wearing out all the other dogs at an alarming rate.

He is just so fast, and everyone else is trying to keep up. After about 10 minutes, every other dog and panting and wheezing, but not Smokey - he was just getting started.

Eventually, even Smokey got all lathered up from the marathon play session. That would be when he stopped by to see me and left a drool swath up my whole arm.

Thanks for sharing.

Are we there yet?

I am facing a very long drive from Utah to Chicago this summer. Not only is the drive long, but I am taking my kids with me. (24 hours of driving) I never really did the 'pile the kids in the car and go cross country' family trips when I was a kid. And I have never done with my kids. My kids complain that the drive is too long when we go to Walmart. I suspect that this trip is going to get ugly, pretty quickly too.

The last time I drove all the way home, I was pregnant with my daughter and we took the dogs with us. That was a long drive home. I needed to stop every two hours to pee, and so did Inertia. She doesn't do well in the car. She paces; all 110 pounds of her, shedding and pacing around the inside of a car. It is not a pretty picture. I even gave her the front seat and sat in the back with Vector. Nothing helps her. She is only happy when acting like a Labrador air bag and lying against the driver's chest.

Vector, however, is a really excellent car dog. She sleeps or looks out the window. She is just happy that she is getting to go too.

Having driven my kids to 'the big city', that would be Provo. I learned that my kids match my dogs for their car trip temperament. The big sister is a wiggler, a complainer, a 'this is too long of a ride' kid, and I am sure she would walk around the car if she wasn't strapped down. The little brother is a great rider. He looks out the window and is just happy to be allowed to come along.

So we are off this June, wish us luck. I'd take the dogs, but they aren't as easily captivated by a DVD.

Oh, in case you were wondering, my four legged kids will be staying at my kennel when I am gone. See, even I trust The Yawning Dog Ranch to watch my kids.

The view from my chair is just a little fuzzy.

No, make that, furry.

That's a lot of dog food.

I think I have now served the biggest doggie dinner in the history of the ranch. A very nice Great Dane named Maddie just had 6 cans of dog food for dinner.

Normally, dinnertime is a barky time inside the kennel building. Last night when I lined up those 6 cans and started opening them, it was perfectly silence. You could hear the doggie math going on in those 9 furry heads, "That has got to be at least two cans for each of us." Dogs are not known for their math skills.

I had to serve dinner in two bowls, that is another first.

But I do have to add, that Maddie may be a big eater, but she still has a lovely figure.

"So, would you like to hold the baby?"

My reaction to this question has always been, 'You must be kidding!" Though, I am proud to say I have never actually blurted this out at a proud new mother. I was just thinking this again last week, a friend has a brand new baby boy (quite the cutie) and I am thinking, "Man, I know I have forgotten everything about babies. Please don't offer to let me hold him." She didn't.

I never had the baby-crazies that some women do. I have never touched a stranger's pregnant belly. But I did once watch a co-worker give some lawyer a heart punch for pulling that stunt in the elevator of the Prudential building back in Chicago. (I was so proud of her) The first baby I ever held was my nephew at his baptism. If you see the photo, I look a little stiff. Once I got him I was afraid to change my grip and he was a pretty big baby, too. I had never changed a diaper until the day my daughter was born. I was 35 at the time. I had been pretty proud of that fact until that day, when I realized that there was some skill involved and I really didn't have any of it.

Even in the case of my own children, I knew my limitations. When my daughter was born, they handed me her right after her birth this is what I was thinking: "Isn't there someone here far more qualified and a lot less drugged than I, that can hold this baby?"

Two years later, I held my second baby with just as much uncertainty as the first kid and I realized, "Man, I know I have forgotten everything about babies. Please, someone offer to hold him."

But just this morning, I reached out and grabbed a Bichon out of her mother's arms before I was even sure of the dog's name.

Oh-my-god! I do have that gene; it is just for the wrong species.

Are all of those your dogs? No, they're everybodies' dogs.

Kids ask me that all the time when they see my extensive collection of doggie name clips. My very low tech, but highly effective way of knowing what dog food goes with which dog.

I think I need to have my husband add another row on. See on the top, where I wrote the days of the week. I used to be able to clip on the names of which dogs were arriving on each day. Not anymore.

I am always surprised when I don't recongnize a dog in this town. I really thought I had met them all by now.

If dog spit was good for your complexion, I would have the skin of a goddess

There are quite a few Dog Blogs out there...

More than I ever realized. So I do a bit of surfing myself and one dog lover blog will lead to you many other dog blogs. But today I found a great one. The Cool Dog Site of the Day , click here and you can find the best dog sites around. They have a new site everyday, and you can vote for best of the month.

It is going to take me a couple of days to get through all 25 of April.

And I love their 'Dog on Board' stickers.

So, tell me your name again.

I ran into a client at McDonald's the other day. She was asking if July fourth is already full. No, not yet. And I asked her who her dogs are. Chico. Big, black poodle - Chico? (I have 4 or 5 Chicos.)

I then I started to laugh, her other dog is named Sophie. But for the two weeks that Chico and Sophie stayed with me at Christmas, I called her Joan. I remember thinking that was the dumbest dog name I had ever heard. It wasn't old fashioned enough to be a good dog name. For gosh sakes, people are still running around with the name Joan. It was just wrong.

It didn't fit the dog, either.

Well, I found out Sophie's real name when her owners got back from their trip. Joan, it turns out, is her mother's name. When I asked, "what's her name?" I had meant the dog, not the human dropping her off. But 'Joan' she was to me for two weeks. I must have just driven that dog nuts.

I forgot to asked, does the dog come when you call your mother?

What's your regional dog?

For Carbon County, I would have to vote for the Labrador, but as we all know, I am biased. I understand that loving labradors is a universal things and they are popular everywhere.

Then there are the Heelers. I never even heard of this breed until I moved to Utah. It has a Red and Blue version, that have nothing to do with their political view points. Besides in Carbon County, everyone is a Democrat no matter how you vote.

There are a lot of the herding breeds around here; Heelers, Austrian Sheperds or is that Austrialian Sheperds, (I really need to pop for that dog breed poster), collies, all the brands of spanials. But that might be a tradtion the Greek immigrants brought to this place. They came to bust the coal mine strikes of the Italians and brought their herding instincts with them. It cracks me up to think that I live in the middle of nowhere, but can get better Greek food than I had in Greek Town back in Chicago.

But it is the minitures that are taking over. I see more chihuahuas everyday, and I just babysat my first pug and then saw two more around town. My daughter even asked Santa for a weiner dog and two chihuahuas, one black, one brown. And I would like to thank the big guy for going for the Polly Pockets instead of the puppies.

I just never know what I am going to find when I head down to the kennel.

My husband checked in these two dogs, Doppler and White Fang. Their owners said they have been here before. When I got down to the kennel, I would have sworn I never saw them before. It could happen, they could have come on one of the weeks I was away and the dogsitter was in charge. That must be the case, the names are familiar and they already had clothespins with their names on them, but those dogs didn't know me at all.

And they were seriously freaked out about being in the kennel. When a dog acts afraid of me and too timid or submissive for the situation, I don't let them out with the other dogs. It is the frightened and insecure dog that will bite you. These dogs wouldn't even come out for the first day. They stood in their doorways and growled at me, like a couple of wolves peeking out of a cave. (I'm thinking this is going to be a very long week and a very messy run, if they never come out)

I started by opening their gates and then going to the other side of the play yard with all the other dogs. They did finally take a chance and checked out their side of the play yard. I did this for a few playtimes and then I sat with them for a session. No pressure, I let them come up to me. Doppler is a love-bug, but still a little too submissive for my taste. I think the current owners must have rescued these two from someone who was really mean to them. Sometimes you can never cure the abuse a dog received as a puppy.

And it turns out that White Fang is a leaner and a big, heavy leaner at that. Leaners like to lean into whoever is petting them. The better the petting, the bigger the lean. My man Fang is about 130 pounds of leaning power. I thought I was going to end up squashed like a bug under him.

I still don't let them mix with the other dogs. They might never de able to socialize with any dogs, but they do have a good time together. And instead of them being afraid of me, and me of them; I get kisses and leans.

Dog aren't the only wild things around here.

Yesterday morning, I counted 13 deer just over my back fence line. Actually, there were 14, but the last one, I never saw just heard him. It is a baby braying from under a clump of pinion and scrub pines. Mom must have put him there to stay safe while the rest of group finished eating. From the amount of noise he was making, I'd say he was not happy with the arrangement.

This is the largest group I have ever seen here. All winter, we had a group of eight that dined on my husband's archery targets until the hay bales collasped.

And lately, it has been a group of 4 or 5 that show up in the evenings.

But 14, that is a record.

I wonder what I will see today.

The Chaser becomes the Chasee

Sunny is a herder by breed. I keep telling him, ‘they are not sheep!’, but it does not deter him from trying to steer all the other dogs. And where is he trying to make them go anyway; it isn’t that big of a play yard. I guess it really is the journey and not the destination in Sunny’s case.

He runs round and round, while barking and barking, and generally bugs the begeebers out of the other dogs. Well, the table has been turned and the chaser has become the chasee, and he is not happy about it. Nellie has been running Sunny ragged since she got here.

Dogs don’t have a real highly development sense of irony, but I do. Go get ‘em, Nellie!

Don't corner the shitzus.

We have quite the dueling pair with Sasha and Seirra. They are backing off all the big dogs with their fearless back to back fighting stance. I haven't seen such teamwork or footwork since the last time I watch the 3 Musketeers.

Don't mess with the ladies, they are armed and dangerous.

They are also smaller than a loaf of bread and very fluffy.

The Dog's Mom, The Dog's Dad

There is a lot of us out there. Those dog owner who consider and call the dog their child. Doggie Moms and Dads.

I found one while on the pursuit of sticking a picture at the top of this page.

My son

Check it out, he has a very cute four legged son, and the dog now has an adorable baby sitter, as well.

To all the moms and dads that started with dogs, I say, 'Bravo!' and that if you did a good job raising the dog, you are ready for the baby.

People will laugh and tell you that having dogs is nothing like having kids. They are not nearly as right as they think. Parenting is parenting, and dog are kids. I know there are a number of differences…like paying for obedience training but never having to pop for out of state college tuition. My dogs will never need just the right shoes, and though they whine for bread and bacon, they will never bug me for a Malibu Barbie or a Power Ranger. And as for the nitty-gritty stuff, scooping poop is tedious and stinky, but it is never as up close and personal as a diaper change. And no matter how hard it was to house break the dog, potty training will give you fond memories of it.

I am working on a guide for all those doggie Moms and Dads to help them thru the transistion from Fido to Junior. The working title is My Big Sisters are Labradors. I am hoping this blog generates a few more chapters so I can finish it up. Wish me luck!

Who has been sleeping in my bed.

As I mentioned before, we have bought the dogs their very own beds, with the hope of reclaiming our own.

I know some people are wondering why sleeping with the dog is bad. Sleeping with kids is not much better. I am actually starting to wonder about sharing with my husband. Maybe Rob and Laura Petrie may have had the right idea with the separate beds.

The advantages to sleeping with the dog is the heat. The disadvantage can also be the heat.
There are some other problems with dogs in your bed, I have named them:

Canine Migration
If you ever get out of bed for a trip to the bathroom, deal with baby, or talk a toddler back into bed; you know where the dog moved to - your spot.

Canine encroachment
If you don't get out, you will get moved over. My dog, Inertia, is the queen of canine encroachment. She starts on my husband's right and whenever he rolls over she matches him and fills the space he just left. On an average night, Inertia can claim half of king size bed with both of us squished into my side.

The Blanket Pin
This is Vector's specialty. She always manages to get some portion of my blanket under her butt. And always in such a way as to leave me with a cold air gap on the other side.

Up Means Out
Back to getting out of bed. To my dogs, me being up means that they should get to go out. That is some serious midnight mileage in this house. All the way downstairs and around to the front of the house. I am not up for that much exercise in the daylight, no way in the dark. I am convinced that my dogs have learned to fake a throwing up sound, so that my husband will leap out of bed and let them out.

Don't Go Back to Bed without Me
And of course, if you did make the round trip to the front door and back to bed. The dogs will want to come back in just after you dosed off.

I guess you are stuck with the last two whether or not you share your bed with the dogs. But I will warn you now, if you let them head up the stairs first, you are going to have canine migration on your hands.

Poodle Breathe

This is yet another of my highly unscientific research projects, but I think poodles have the worst breath. Let me tell you, I do get breathed on quite a bit. So, I do have a reasonably large sample for my research.

Dog breath is never great, but poodle breath is awful and it is the same for all poodles. Big or little. Yucko! Why is this, what about poodles make everything and anything turn into canine halitosis.

And why we are at it, what makes them all such pests. My father would have called them 'itches', that what he called me and my siblings when ever we were bugging and bugging at him. Poodles are a lot like 5 year olds, they just don't get it when someone doesn't want to play with them. They just bug, and bug, and bug at the other dog until the dog relents and plays, heads back to the quiet of their own kennel, or the poodle finds there is someone better to bug.

Happy Easter to All You Bunnies!

One day off and it is back to be chased on Monday!

Do you know when dogs celebrate Easter?
About two weeks later, that is when those unfound eggs are at their best.

It is good to have friends.

This is Sunny. He was SO excited about coming to the kennel. He pulled his Mom all the way down the path. I could see the disappointment in his face when he saw that there were no other dogs.

He only had me to play with, and I don't run around so what good am I.


Then Gus arrived. Gus is just a puppy and a very little puppy at that. He is a jack russell terrier. I knew I had a good match for Sunny. Gus didn't think so. He didn't want to come out of the kennel. The first time he came out, met Sunny and headed back in for safety. The next play time, he gave Sunny a snif, too. Third time is a charm, he put his paws up on Sunny's nose and played.

The dog trainers call this socialization. I say it is good to have friends. Playing with other dogs is the best thing you can do for your dogs. Think about it, you wouldn't let your toddler hang out with a bunch of grad students. Everyone needs friends their own 'age'. For that dogs need dogs.

Try it out, take your dog to a dog park or just out with your friend's dogs. You will see an improvement in all of your dog's behaviors. There must be something to learning where you stand in the dog universe that give a dog a sense of identity and confidence. A happy and confident dog is a great dog. A scared and timided dog will be the one who bites you.

Piddle Happens..to Me!

Well, Gus must have been really happy to see me. When I picked him up, he peed all over my lap. The one thing I learned with motherhood, all the stuff your kids get on you washes off. Well, most anyway.

My biggest worry was that once Gus did it, everyone else would feel obligated to over-mark me.


This is where is gets a little gross, so if you still have the ability to be grossed out. Stop Here.

I lost my ability to be grossed out after I had kids. Changing diapers, being thrown up on, cleaning up blood, all in a mom's day. You don't even think about it. None of the moms do. No one likes barf, right. The smell alone will make you want to add to the mess. But not a mom, the first reaction to a sick little kids is to cup her hands under their mouths. If this doesn't prove that your mother will love you no matter what awlful things you might do; I don't know what will.

It is my personal theory that the reason we have our husbands in the delivery room is not to stand up in the stirrups and yell, "You will never be naked in my presence again!" It is to let them in on the un-told yuckiness that is parenthood.

When my children were about 6 and 4, my husband mentioned to me that, "I didn't want to say anything at the time, but the birth was pretty gross." Gee, do you think. It's not like pregnancy was 9 months of your body finding new and imaginative ways to gross you out.

I like to tell doggie moms and dads, when they are expecting their first REAL kid, that they will do just fine, the dog has already taught them that they can love something that make disgusting messes.

Don't shoot the dogs. Don't blame the judge. Lets, just knock the owner upside the head.

Big public interest story on the news, here in Utah. A woman in Herriman went to jail yesterday for keeping too many dogs. It seems that she was cited for having 7 dogs in the past and was given a warning to get rid of the extras. The rule is only two dogs per household unless you get a kennel permit. And she didn't get rid of the extra dogs. I understand that she is fostering these dogs and does this a lot. She just didn't find homes for them in the time allotted.

Okay, I love dogs, too. But if you want to have too many, pop for the kennel license. How hard is that. You pay, they inspect. It is that easy. Herriman even has a special designation for people fostering dogs. That seems like the easiest solution to me, it has to cheaper than 180 days in jail that she was sentenced to.

And now for the judge, his 'easiest solution' was for her to, "just shoot the dogs" before the court's deadline. Come on judge, that was not only thoughtless it was heartless. Your telling me, the judge doesn't know about kennel license, either?

Maybe they should forget about licensing the dogs in Herriman, require tags on all the idiots. Think of all the revenue it would generate.

Lullabies for Doggies?

The Salt Lake Trib had an article about a CD of lullabies for dogs. It made me think about that dog laughter researcher. I checked out the lullaby site. What they have done is create music over the sound of a heartbeat. It works for babies (Too bad I can't try it out on my son - got up every two hours for more than two years. He would have been the ultimate testing.), so they tried it on dogs.

I still like the dog laughter idea better, because playing lullabies non-stop at the kennel might calm the nuisnace barkers, but it will definitely send me screaming into the night.

I emailed the woman doing the laughter research and asked for a recording. I think she could have a platium record on her hands. And I know my neighbors would appreciate it.

The ranch has a bad case of testosterone poisoning the week.

Gunny and Durango insist on turning circles, toe to tail while growling.

Durango keeps trying to mount Drake.

Drake is fine with Gunny in the play yard, but will throw himself at Gunny's kennel door the moment I put Gunny in. Sure, anyone can attack a rottweiler behind industrial fencing.

Chewy, who is small, furry, ferocious, and also Gunnies big brother, is trying to defend his brother from all these big dogs. Really quite funny to see a shitzu running off a labrador to protect a giant rottweiler. Once a big brother, always a big brother.

And when not trying to show his superiority to all of the boys, Durango has been trying to get Roxy's attention.

Sorry Dur, Roxy only has eyes for her ball, so give it up. She is just not going to be impressed by you peeing on her kennel door, either. She is just not that kind of a girl. But if you were small, round, and yellow - she would be all over you.

Jager, Bull, and Goofy, it's like a parade

Unrequited Love...

Goofy has decided to love someone his own size this weekend. And, NO, is it not me. Goofy is in love with Bull, a bull mastif. Bull is currently the same size as Goofy, but he has yet to grow into his head.

But as usual, this is a unrequited love for Goofy. I'm the only one who actually loves him. Because, Bull only has eyes for Jager, who is small, fluffy, and black. (This would normallly be who Goofy would be in love with.)

Jager, who is too old for this, is having nothing to do with either of them.

Dogs seem to have the right idea on family.

Now, I have two dogs that are actually sisters. They are littermates. But I have a client that has 2 dogs, also labs, that have the same parents but are not littermates. They liked the first dog so much, they went back and got another puppy from the same breeding pair. And then there are dogs that are no relation at all just living in the same family. Take Gunny and Chewy, that is a monster rottweiler and a shitzu. And of course, the shitzu is the big brother.

To dogs, all the dogs in a household are brothers and sisters. Dogs belonging to other members of the same family are called 'cousin dogs' by me. I get a lot of cousin dogs when the whole family goes to a wedding or on a cruise.

And to the city council member of Kanab, a family is all about love, acceptance, togetherness, and playtime. And no one's family is any better than anyone else's - just ask their dog.

Spring has arrived and she is showing her teeth!

Somehow I managed to forget that April doesn't just bring rain, it brings dog bites. We have had 3 bites in one week here at the ranch. On the news, there were 4 dogs shot after attacking some kids in SLC. The paper had a story about a girl bit by a neighborhood dog.

I don't know the cause, but spring brings out the worst in otherwise normal dogs. Last year, I had a policeman tell me that there are more dog bites in the spring than the rest of year combined.

One of my biters is just plain mean and isn't welcome back here at any time. The other is a rambucious dog that has been here a hundred times. She has always played too rough, but I would not have suspected her of biting.

So, if you are out enjoying the weather, really keep an eye out for dogs this season. If you own a dog, these are my suggestions:

Get the dog out for some exercise. A physically exhausted dog is a happy dog and not a biter.

If your dog is aggressive in any way, at any time, get help. Aggression is not something that a dog will 'get over', 'grow out of', or 'is just part of being a dog'. It is a problem that will only get bigger and bigger. There is a point of no return. And as much as I hate the idea, if your dog is a biter, you will have to euthanasia your pet.


I look back on the fights and bites I have had here. And when you think of the total number of different dogs we have here everyday, it is a very small number. There was always a warning behavior that I should have come down on hard, before it got to the point of biting.

The big punishment around here, is a time-out in their run. Works great on the dogs, doesn't work as well with my kids, though. If I put a dog in the run for about 10 minutes while every other dog gets to play; I will have a very polite dog when they do get to play.

So let's be careful out there, spring can have a really big set of teeth.

Brotherly Love

These puppies belong to another blogger, Ruth. Her dog just had 5 puppies, and her other dog is due this week with another 4!

Those are her daughter's hands, only 12. So these are some little guys. Check out all the mommy and baby photos at her place.


Dog nuts, we just FIND each other.

Spring Forward, Fall Back...

And everyone gets to be a sleep deprived zombie for a couple of days.

Dogs and kids don't get the time change. My dogs get up by the sun and not the clock. This was really a problem at our first house. It was at the top of a hill and I swear we got daylight at 4 am in the summer. Now we live in the mouth of a canyon and we never get a sunrise before 6am. Or maybe the dogs have just gotten old like me and are just more interested in sleeping in than greeting the day.

This morning I got up at my regular hour, thanks to the un-snoozable alarm that is Vector. But I didn't have to go down to the dogs until 8am. Which was really the usual time, but made me feel decadent and lazy without any actual neglecting any of my charges.

I must be the only person that enjoys the first day of daylight savings time.

At the Yawning Dog Ranch, your dogs walk all over me!

Piddle Happens...Puppies Welcome!

See what happens when you share your doggie jokes. At least someone thinks they are funny.

The newest tile from Sharon. Check out all her stuff at her Near Holy Studio.

Never say NEVER again....

I am having two of the weirdest weeks. Last week we were full to overflowing. (Eunice even had to spend a day in the house with us. I think we stressed her out pretty bad. Eunice is not used to having children in her house.)

I turned over 10 people away for last week and last weekend. But as of Monday, I only had one dog coming at noon. A night off and a morning off, I was going to enjoy taking a shower instead of giving dogs their breakfast at 7am. I am glad I still got up early, Vector insisted. I got a phone call at 6:50 wanting to drop a dog off at 7:20 - so much for my shower.

But this is it for this week, 1 doggie daycare and 1 overnight for Monday. No dogs until Friday, and as of 8am only 2 dogs for the weekend.

It won't last, the kennel gods must have heard me say 'day off'.

Variety is the very spice of life.

I was thinking about this the other day, you can have a normal health Chihuahua that only weighs 3 pounds and a equally healthy 120 plus pound beast like Goofy, who is of questionable parentage. Dogs come in snow white, every shade of brown and grey, all the way to a black that practically sucks in light, even yellow, red, or orange. There is every possible pattern of spotting and solids and you can sorta count brindles as being striped. Vizslas, Weimaraner, Great Danes, all have fur so short it feels like silk and there is no way you can grab one of these ‘fur-less wonders’ and try to steer it into a kennel. Then there are the furry beasts, the ones that molt more than shed, the ones you can knit yourself a new dog every time you comb them out. (I actually have a friend who turns her dog’s fur into yarn and then knits with it – so while you and I fight to reclaim the house from dog fur, she is wearing it)

Think about it, dog skulls range from the size of an egg to just bigger than the turkey I served at Thanksgiving.

If we had the variety in people that there are in dogs, we would range from a foot tall to 20 feet. We do come in all the same colors as dogs; white, tan, brown, caramel, and black but no spots. I think spotted people would be pretty cool. If anyone finds a picture of a person tattooed into a stunning Guernsey cow design – forward that puppy.

Turns out I am not the only one who thinks about these crazy things. The Salt Lake Trib had an article on a team of researchers from the University of Utah that are studying zebra fish colors. They hope to find the gene that controls pigment. Using this information they may be able to determine why we come in the colors that we do and only those colors. Isn’t science fun?

Where the Wild Things Are

Last weekend I had the wild bunch come to stay with me.

We had every variety of toy issue that a dog can come up with.

Mine, Mine, Mine - leave me alone I am happy with MINE. This is Roxy, she gets a ball and can play all day, all by herself. She sometimes lets me play a little soccer with her, but mostly she is good if she has a ball to herself. She not particular about the ball either - tennis, the 8 inch softball that BB left last time she was here, the squashed dog ball, or the deflated mini basketball - all good as long as she is left alone.

Throw it, Throw it, Throw it! Now, Now, Now! That would be Packer of the mighty bark. He can chase until my arm falls off. You would think I would have developed a bicep like Arnold, or at least be able to throw something across the kennel without sending it over the fence, but no I still 'throw like a girl'. Packer is a labrador retriever and unlike my labs that can't get the retrieve part, Packer will just keep bring the toys back over and over again. That is if he can find the toy. Like my two dogs, who cannot find a piece of salami on the kitchen floor without having it pointed out, Packer is not a tracker. What he did learn is that if he cannot find his toy, Roxy always has one. Yikes.

Throw it, Throw it, Throw it! But I won't Give it, Give it, Give it! This is the most common of flawed dog logic. I want to chase it, I want to have it, if I give it to you, I can chase it again, but then I won't have it. This usually leads to me trying to pull a muddy, slobery toy out of a dog's mouth. This is usually the point where I rethink my career choice.

I Got It! Chase Me! This is Miss Daisy's thing. She wants to be chased and she figures stealing the toys is the best way to get attention. It doesn't really work. There are dogs that chase after balls but would never chase another dogs. We have dogs that chase but are never the chasee. Of course they never show up at the same time as Daisy, the ultimate chasee. I learned something new about Miss Daisy, she is a kennel toy hoarder. She has been dashing back out of her kennel when I try to put her brother in, grabbing a toy and stuffing behind their water dish. I counted 7 tennis ball, and 2 rope toys when I cleaned out her kennel yesterday.

Toy hoarding. There are a number of different styles to toy hoarding. Milly is of the 'Look there another one!' mentality. She grabs a toy and puts it in her designated toy spot, never the same place twice. Then she heads out for more. Of course while she is gone, the toys magically disappear. But this never bothers Milly, she just has the chance to collect and collect an collect and the pile never gets any bigger. I can't not say the same for my collections.

And then there is Moe. She is the pinnacle of toy hoarders. She wants all the toys, she is fast enough to beat any dog to any thrown toy, and she plans to hold on to all of them, forever. Moe sits on her collection. And when any dogs, including the ones that have no interest in Moe or her toys, goes by she shows her teeth and growls. This approach doesnot slow down her brother, Roo, at all. He just reaches in a takes a toy just to make her nuts. She has to leave her nest unguarded and chase Roo to get her treasure back. This proves that big brothers treat little sisters exactly the same regardless of species.

As you might have guessed, I had a long weekend of making sure Roxy has her ball, and to always have a toy ready to throw for Packer, being careful when I bent over to pick anything up, because Goofy would try to have his way with me. (Goofy, I'm married, besides these interspecies relationship never work out) But, now I know I just have to check Daisy's run for extra ammunition.

I always wondered what would happen if I used the electric dog collars on the kids...

I thought it would just get me killed by their grandmother. But, no, it will get you a call from the Department of Child and Family Services.

It seems that a man in Cedar City has been using a training collar to discipline his two boys, both are around 6 years old. He is facing charges, the kids are still with their mom who might be facing charges. The newspaper reported that there are no marks on the kids.

I have one of those collars, I can zap my dogs from up to a mile away. I use it when we are out in the desert and the deer are down out of the mountains. It works great at stopping a dog from chasing a deer. They zap like a static charge, it will definitely get your attention, but not hurt you. Well of course I tried it on me before I put it on my precious puppies.

I have often thought that people treat their dogs better than there kids. This guy is in deep doodoo for treating them the same.

I am interested to hear what happens in this case. It the zapper collar more punishing than spanking, or is it just because it is a 'dog' punisher?

In like a lamb, out like a lion or strike that and reserve it.

That might be March in the rest of the country, but in Utah, we have a slightly different version.

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lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion
lamblionlamblionlamblionlamblion...


Sometimes all in the same day.
Take Tuesday, the kids got up in a snow storm and wanted to go sledding. Not enough time before school. The little one gets home at 10:30 and it is sunny now and the snow is all gone. Back at lunch, gone by the time the first grader gets home at 3pm. Snow starts again at 4pm. The kiddos are watching a cartoon and I figure sledding afterwards. The snow stopped and the sun came out any the sledding slope in the yard turned back into mud. All before 5pm. Have dinner and the snow is back, in force. They finally get to go sledding around 6pm and lasted until the little one hit the apple tree. He came in and declared that he would never sled again. He changed it to never sledding head first again. That works for mom.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland...

My least favorite part of running a dog kennel is putting the dogs to bed. It's late, I'm tired, lately it has been VERY cold. And I have run out of excuses to get my husband to do it. So off I went into the snow and cold at 9pm.

I stepped into a winter wonderland. It had stopped snowing and there was no wind. Everything was coated in snow. Even the chain link and the dog runs looked gorgeous.

Walking in a winter wonderland, in the lane snow is glistening, a beautiful sight we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland. Well, up until the flying leap of love that is BB hit me it the chest. Gee, maybe the dogs don't like my singing afterall.

Maybe I should just keep it a secret.

I sing to the dogs. I have the worst singing voice, but the dogs are pretty tolerant. Along with giving everyone’s dog a nickname, I sing to them. I have my basic repertoire of Roger and Hammerstein musicals, Beatles tunes, the theme songs to pretty much anything on Nickelodeon, and Christmas carols. See, I have a useless ability to remember song lyrics. I can’t remember anybody’s name, but I can get through at least two verse of any song from memory. You won’t be able to recognize the tune when I sing it, but I do have all the words right.


Usually, I pick a song that has their name in it. Penny gets ‘Pennies from Heaven’ and ‘Penny Lane’ thought that one tends to get stuck in a verse loop. For Blue, I tried ‘Am I Blue’ but that didn’t fit any better than trying to call her a Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine. (Not a mean bone in that dogs body.)

And then there is BB. I like to call her BeBe, baby in French. And she gets serenaded with an off keep rendition of ‘Baby Love’ whenever I am trying to get her back into her kennel. This entails a number of high speed fly by’s before she decides, “oh yeah, I can go in now.”

This morning, I was singing inside the kennel building while getting all the doggies their breakfasts. One major problem with my kennel building is a lack of sound proofing on the inside. When the dogs get going, we are clearly above any OSHA standard requiring ear protection. (But, don’t rat me out) What I discovered this morning is that I sound great in there, it is like I have back up singers. Forget the shower, sing in the kennel. Besides, dogs will put up with anything if you are the one doling out the kibble.

If everyone is IRISH on St. Patrick's Day...

Then all dogs must be IRISH SETTERS!

Once you own a 7 foot tall blue papermache dog, you just have to drag him out for all parade occasions. I got him, my dogs, and the kids all green bandanas. They looked great.

It was very cold and very snowy, but there was still a really big crowd for the parade.

I was joking that I should have brought the boom box and the cd of dogs barking Christmas carols. With all that snow, it seemed to fit. Maybe next year someone will release a CD of dog barking Irish drinking songs...it could be huge.

"He is MY dog!"

That is what I heard from the backseat when Carl got dropped off yesterday.

I look in to see a little girl holding a stuffed dog. It turns out that the stuffed dog is also named Carl. Imagine that!? She let me see her precious stuffed Carl, and I must report that he was wearing his dog tag. Looks like stuffed Carl is also up on his rabies shots.

This little stuffed dog has been owned by this little girl FOREVER. And she had been asking for a real beagle just like her stuffed beagle for FOREVER.

When they went to the animal shelter to adopt a beagle, there was only one. And his name tag said, 'Carlton'. Perfect! It was love at first sight for the little girl and for her parents. Carl was the only dog in a rather large group of dogs at the shelter who was not barking. Yes, you read that right - a beagle that doesn't bark. I didn't think that was genetically possible.

We were afraid that he might pick up the barking habit from the wild things we have staying at the ranch this week, but so far so quiet. Well, at least Carl is quiet.

It is not the size of the dog, it is the width of the mean streak…

Size doesn’t matter

I have decided, through close, thorough, and completely unscientific observation, size does not matter in dogs. It seems that they don’t really have a good grasp of their actual size. I often see tiny dogs playing with giants. Hysterical to me, oblivious to them.

And exactly who appointed the shitzu as ruler of the universe. Every single one I have ever met is aware of their ultimate superiority over all dogs, and of course all of us lowly humans.

a wee bit of clarification...

When I put together my business plan to start this dog business, I had to guess about how much business I would really have.

So I surveyed my friends with dogs: How often do you travel in a year? And for how long each time? Weekends? Day trips across the mountain?

And from there, I just guessed. Full on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Empty for Easter - everyone takes their dog for Eastering in the desert.

I was so right about Thanksgiving and Christmas, and wrong about Easter. There is a lot of Easter travel that doesn't include camping in the desert.

Here are all the other times I never thought of:

The whole family goes away together. My biggest competition is people with plenty of family to impose upon. But when the whole clan goes to Disney together, I can fill the entire kennel with cousin dogs. This also happens for out of town weddings and funerals.

Then there are the sport weekends, as I mentioned in the last post. There are many NASCAR fans in Carbon County and I think they all have dogs.

And hunting season, you can't take your dogs hunting during deer and elk season. It is also very popular to send your husband off to the mountains and then take your girlfriends off to Wendover, I know am much more aware of when the seasons start and end.

People coming to town with their dogs, but the dogs can't stay with them. Not a lot of the local hotels allow dogs and I know of at least one grandma that won't let the grand-dog in the house. (Now, in her defense, she did come out and thoroughly inspect me and my place before her grand-dog came to stay.)

I even had a dog come all the way from Minnesota. His owners had booked a river raft trip down the Colorado River. After that they were going swing back north and pick him up for the trip to Wyoming. That is a well traveled dog.

The owner of the old Red Collar Kennel, which closed years before I opened, told me that I would be full everyday of the week. Funny, I really didn't believe her.

Is the game on?

I have discovered yet another weird side effect of opening a dog kennel. I am now aware of major sporting events. You see, I am one of the most sport-a-ly challenged people in all of America. I was actually worried that my kids would not be able to name a football, baseball, or basketball when they went off to school. We watch NO sports in this house. The closest they have come to a sport is watching golf at Gram’s house or maybe a few seconds of fast forwarded football when I am stopping only to watch the commercials on the Super Bowl.

But now, I can tell you when the NASCAR races are in Las Vegas; when the state wrestling tournaments are; when BYU plays University of Utah, and so on. All of which is really wasted on me.

I once was banded from ‘buying a square’ on a gambling grid at my office back in Chicago because I asked who was playing and then said, “Oh, it is basketball season?” Gambling I understand, that the Chicago Bulls were going to the Championship; Gee, I must have missed that.

I’m not as bad as Uncle Victor who was once shocked that a quarterback could make the same spectacularly bad play twice in a row. Instant Replay.

Too much of a good thing?

So how many is too many dogs?

For my mom, the answer is one.

For me, it is two. As much as I loved Sammy Dog, three was really a hassle. Now I really don't know how it would be to have just one dog, we got two puppies at the same time under the theory that they would 'keep each other company'.

Salt Lake City and I think, Kanab, have just changed their dog and cat ownership rules. In Kanab, you can have 3 dogs still but the price just went through the roof. Dog licenses are now $100 for the second and $200 for the third. Salt Lake is doing something different, they aren't raising the rates, they are cutting the number of dogs you can legally have to 2 per household.

Now, I am of the belief that the number of kids is not as important as how you raise them. This applies to kids, dogs, cats, or even goldfish. If you can't feed them, pay attention to them, train them, and pay the medical bills on them - don't have them.

I am also in favor of licensing, that is for the dogs and cats, I assume you can keep track of the kids. The main purpose of city licensing is to make everyone get their shots, encourage spaying and neutering, and to be able to return a lost pet. Licenses is supposed to be helpful, not a punishment.

I don't know what Kanab was thinking when they decided to raise the rate higher than my gas bill. They are only punishing the law abiding citizen. If runaways are the problem, fine the tar out of those owners.

And what is with SLC? Do you really think that people will just get rid of an extra dog because the city regulations say so? There should have at least been a grandfather clause allowing owners to register dogs they already have. Can you image having to give up a dog you have had for 10 years or move? I'd move. So SLC, is going to have more unregistered dogs, or more older dogs turned into the shelters, or have people move away.

Here in progressive, friendly Carbon County you can have 3 dogs before you have to get a kennel license. And if you want your own pack, the kennel license is $25 and you have to have your place inspected by the staff at the animal shelter. The actual dog licenses are $5 for a neutered dog.

Save money, get more dogs, and move to Carbon County.
And when you go on vacation, you can park the dogs with me.

Never a dull momet here at the Ranch.

I got up extra early today because I had a dog coming at 7am and because I thought I would be shoveling snow.

I got out of the shoveling duty. The snow we got last night stuck to the grass but melted off the driveway. This is a very good thing for a number of reasons: my driveway is beyond long, my husband is out of town, and my friend with the ATV who plows my drive is in London.

But I was up and out at 7am, which also turned out to be a good thing. The 7am dog never showed, but the phone rang and my neighbor asked me if I was missing a horse, since one had just run past her house.

'1,2,3,4, nope, got all of mine'

That is when the police showed up, the horse came back to my neighborhood, and ended up in my neighbor's driveway. I grabbed a rope lead and tried to help the police officer. Now, he is looking at me like I know something about horses and I don't want to admit that I am just a city kid from Chicago.

Well, Helper's finest got the horse to follow him down the irrigation ditch through a little gate and into my front pasture. I was very proud of him, and very relieved that I didn't have to do it.

That young horse is not getting the welcome wagon treatment from Paradise, but everyone else seems to be adjusting to the visitor. Pagan, in particular, is enjoying herself. This is the first time she isn't the bottom of the pecking order.

Well, the horse's owners just showed up with a trailer and took our runaway on home.

Get this the horse's name is Flash.

That Pagan hamming for the camera, or maybe she just thinks it is a snack. Flash in profile and Mia peaking over Flash's back.

Eh? What was that you said?

Now, I know that I lost a great deal of my upper level hearing while dancing infront of the speakers at place called Mabel's back in my college days. And that radio played at 11 in my car probably didn't help. But I think I will be completely deaf sooner rather than later by having labradors bark in my ears.

This is the kind of thing you never think about when you write your business plan.

When you are bending over to pick up a slobber covered tennis ball to throw it for the eleventy billionth time, your ear is in perfect alignment with a dog's bark. Ouch.

Packer is the guilt party today, but there are others. They get so excited about chasing the ball again, that they bark to make you do it faster. It is not really an effective method since you have to jump back into your skin after each bark.

I was trying to defend my hearing, so I put my hand out to 'block' the bark as I picked up the ball. I could feel the sound vibrations in the palm of my hand. It's like those cars that pass with the radio so loud you can feel it in your chest.

That dog can really project.
That is it, Packer has a Mr. Limpet sound effect.

Have you ever seen the movie, 'The Incredible Mr. Limpet'? Don Knots is transformed into a animated fish complete with glasses and still looking a lot like Don Knots. As a fish, Mr. Limpet can make this amazingly loud sound that helps the Allied forces against the German submarines during WWII. (Great movie, haven't seen it in year, will have to add it to my Amazon wish list.)

If only we could harness Packer's power for good.

I am going to stick to dogs and give up on computers

Please bear with me as I attempt to improve my blog.

When I preview the changes, I see a whole dog and my title in the right place. But somehow, that is not what I get after I re-launch the code back into cyber-space. I get a half a dog and my title shoved into a corner.

Well, this was a waste of a morning. Let's see what 'Blogging for Dummies' has to say about this.

Please comment if you see a whole dog, too.

Grandparents raising the Grandkids....

I have read about a growing phenomenon of grandparents stepping in and raising their own grandchild. Did you know that it is happening for grand-dogs, too?

neither did I.

But I'd say a good 10% of my doggie clients started out as the 'kid's dog' and became 'mom's dog'. I just had a set of four dropped off yesterday, two are mom and dad's and two were contributed to mom and dad by one of their kids. I understand that they will be returning to a family of 2 dogs when said 'kid' gets their dog back this May. (I hope the 'kid' knows about this.)

funniest one has to been the 12 year old son who proudly brought home a dog one day, only to have his parent's remind him that he is deathly allergic to dogs. The dad, and still owner of the dog, explained that alfalfa is an excellent natural anti-allergen and he just stuffed tablet after tablet in. I had to ask "in the dog" or "in the kid"? (in the kid) I laugh because as I am listening to this story, I am watching that same son puff up and stuff up just dropping that same dog off - only it's about 10 years later.


I know my parents are willing to babysit the two legged grandkids, but they draw the line at the dogs. I would never have the guts to drop a dog off on my parents. They might keep the dog, but I would definitely be disowned.

Is your dog a Love-Hog?

I have quite a few love-hogs at the kennel. Those are the dogs that feel no one should get any loving other than them. Some are even ferocious about not sharing the love; they will drive off any dog that comes within a yard of me.

Today's love-hog is Dufus. She is a very cute grey terrier. She puts her legs on my knee whenever I am sitting down, but will never jump up into my lap. Carolina has taken to approaching from the rear and sneaking a pet from under my arm. Dufus is now onto this maneuver.

Boy, was she put out when Skittles just sailed right over her head and into my arms.

Dogs and babies….Babies and dogs….It really isn’t a bad combination; you just have to know when to mix.

I had my dogs first, which helps to explain the working title of my book, ‘My Big Sisters are Labradors’.

And getting a puppy or dogs for your kids is a great idea.

What you don’t want to do is have babies and puppies in the same house at the same time.

Puppies and babies are in the exact same phase of life, the phase of constant attention. You can’t give all your attention to more than one thing at a time. This the basic premise of all sibling rivalry: I had all the attention and now I don’t.

Babies eat, sleep, and poop. The in between time is usually filled with being adorable. Being that cute is truly a fulltime job. Same for puppies: eat, sleep, poop and be adorable. What the adults fail to realize is that the eat, sleep, poop, and play cycle is a 24 hour cycle: day after day after day.

Now I will admit the 24 hour part of parenthood fades at about the 3 or 4^th month with a puppy and can run into the 3^rd YEAR with a baby. (that would be my second child who only had the eat, sleep, scream cycle – he decided against being adorable)

So please, don’t burn your candle at both ends. Leave that for the parents of twins, who have no other choice. Have the babies and buy them a dog only after they grow into kids. Or get yourself a puppy; get some mom and dad practice in before you jump into the deep end of parenting.

It is okay to start the spring cleaning...but don't shave the dog, YET.

Here in Utah, we are having our usual false spring. It is just beautiful and warm in the afternoons and you can fool yourself that spring has arrived. Not me, I have to get up very early to let the dogs out. At 7am, there is no doubt in my mind that it is still winter. But every year we fall for this fake spring. Yesterday, I saw someone shaking out the cushions for the front porch swing. I know they are going to be shaking snow off it at least once before Easter.

Jumping the gun on spring is a common mistake. We are all sick of winter and think if we act like it is spring it will be spring. Anyone who has had to plant their vegetable garden more than once will tell you that 'real' spring takes real patience. The gardeners around here taught me the most important rule for veggies in the high desert.

Don't plant anything until Memorial Day

If the rule goes for tomatoes, it goes for your dog.

Don't shave your dog until Memorial Day

Last year, the fake spring hit in March, and the cold came back with a vengeance in April. I had many naked and frozen shitzus that month. A cold and naked dog is not a pretty sight. So please, clean up the yard, air out the house, but leave the dogs alone.

I am happy to report the dog beds are working.

Inertia has slept on her bed everynight since we got it. Even last night when my husband was gone and she had her whole side of the bed to herself. This is nothing short of a miracle.

Vector has laid claim to the one in the living room, whenever the kids don't have it tipped up to make the wall of a castle. There is no way that Vector is going to get out of our bed. She staked out the center, bottom spot between our feet from day one and she is not about to move now. She held out through the 'baby in the bed' years; which is when Inertia got de-throned (de-bedded?). If she can withstand an infant and toddler invasion, she is not about to go willingly.

dog art

I was checking out a place called Cafe Press for making t-shirts. I found the most amazing collection of dog art. The originals are ceramic tiles, but you can get the designs on mugs, magnets, or t-shirts. I can't make up my mind, but 'Canine Crime' is one of my favorite.


And not to be biased, they even have nice cat designs. Rabbits, too.

Check for yourself.
http://www.cafepress.com/blessingart

And while I was getting permission to post that image, I found out the artist has her own blog.
http://tailsntiles.blogspot.com/

How long before we just give up and we sleep on the new dog beds?

I just bought a couple of dog beds. They are HUGE. I almost ran over a couple of shoppers in Costco because I couldn't see over the top of them to drive the cart.

But are they big enough for me and my husband?

I have serious doubts about my dogs trading in the down blanket on the king size bed in favor of a 'Dog Bed'. This might just be beneath them. After all, they are used to a certain level of luxury.

Matchmaker Matchmaker, make me a match..

(I always loved that song)

I just pulled off my first canine blind date. I have people call looking for particular breeds of puppies about once a month - more at Christmas. And I have had 3 dogs in 3 years that needed new owners. One ended up at our animal shelter, and got adopted. One got a home on a farm south of here and is doing great. And the last one just got a new set of parents and two little brothers to play with.

I am so happy for everyone involved:
The original owner gets to move cross country and into a little apartment without having to worry about her 'kid'.

My friend get a fabulous dog and new buddy for her sons.

The dog is going to love his new family, especially his new littermates.

And I get to keep a great dog as a client.
(even better I get to trade dog-sitting for handmade purses - you can't beat that with a stick)

Dog matching, best phone call I ever made.

"So, how do you know me?"

I had someone recongize me in the line for popcorn at the movies last night. They even called me by name. Usually I try to fake my way along, searching for the person's name or at least how I know them. (I start with parent of one of the other kids in my kids class, then dog clients - if I can even picture them, one of Dave's students, one of my old students, I try to sell them a house, from church, from one of the businesses I go to all the time...) It is a long list to run through and I have just given up on it alltogether.

Last night, I just blurted out, "So, how do you know me?"
"I'm Sissy's Mom."

Now, that is the kind of information I need.

It was sorted rude to admit I have no idea who they are, but for what it lacks in tact, it made up for in effectiviness and honesty. I think I will stick with this approach.

Have Rawhide - Won't Share!

Rawhides are the bane of my existence.

I get that dogs like them. Like them, they love them.
I get that without having them dog will chew on my kennel fencing, my kennel walls, my kennel doors, or even me.

But rawhides beget rawhide-envy and it is not a pretty sight.

Everything is fine when the owner of the rawhide keeps it in their own run. But no, they always decide that today is the day for gnawing 'el fresco', 'plein air', out in the yard basking in the sun. Not a bad plan, I like a picnic myself. But what the dog has over looked is that all that fresh air and sunshine is surrounded by at least 6 other dogs.

Take my word for it you do not want to be the one breaking up a rawhide fight.

(my son's preschool had a similar rule - If you want to KEEP it, KEEP it in your cubby.)

What kind of dog should I get?

I get this question a lot. And there is quite a bit of debate between different breeds for different people's life styles.

What I alway tell people...GET A DOG, not a puppy.

Everyone wants a puppy. They are so cute. They are so fun to watch.

REALITY CHECK...
They make huge messes.
They have to be fed multiple times a day.
They have to go out every 2 hours.
They have to trained.
You have to be trained.

I don't care what breed you select, just get it in the dog form and not the puppy. Most of the dogs that end up at the shelter are nice, house dogs that people can't keep. There are problem dogs from problem owners, but you will be able to see that right away when you meet the dog. Besides, any shelter that lets you adopt a problem and not a pet isn't doing their job.

But really the best way to adopt is the personal approach.

This is how to find a dog that needs you:
Let all your friends know that you are looking.
Call the local vets and shelters and put up an ad.
Call the local groomers and boarders, people talk to us about dogs all the time.
Call the Humane Society, this group is full of people who take in extra dogs just so they will always live with a family and never spend any time in a shelter.

I guarentee that your phone will ring.

You can meet the dog, the owners, and they can meet you. This will make the adoption better and easier for everyone. (old owner, new owner, & dog)

So go out there and get yourself a dog. And then, call me when you need it babysat.

Westminster Dog Show Winner - RUFUS!

Normally, dogs that win at the Westminster Dog Show have names longer than their bodies. Especially, in the Toy class.

But a rather funny looking Bull Terrier won Best in Show and his name was Rufus. It really fit him.

I only got to see the Toy class competition. I picked a miniture greyhound named, Horizon's Lil' Bandit Of Bo Bett, to win, but he got cut. That dog was having fun. He looked like he was loving being there. He was adorable and he knew it, you could just tell. A pug won. He was cute, too.

I am wrong, Rufus' full name is Rocky Top's Sundance Kid. When I went to grab his photo I found out his real name; I like Rufus better.

We are all getting old, aren't we?

Some of my ram-bunk-o dogs are starting to grow up on me.
But it seems that my favorite 'wild' animals, BB, Tessie, and Sassy, are starting to slow down.

It was hard to notice at first. It was that small things that changed.

They don't do the 'flying leap of love' and bounce me off the fence. They still launch out of their kennels like they have been shot out of a cannon, but I noticed that they just can keep up their speed anymore. BB now clocks in below light speed, and I even saw Tessie hold still for a minute. Tessie even stopped by my chair, put up her paws and let me pet her. In the couple of years that Tessie has been coming her, I have never petted her other than in a 'drive-by' (I hold my hand out as she runs by) petting.

It is kinda sad to see them stop being puppies and turn into dogs. But it should really cut down on my bruises.

So, I watch way too much tv...

Did you catch 'Ghost Whisperer' last Friday. It was a rerun, but it does explain the 'ghost dog' she now has.

Episode Summary: Our heroine, Melinda, helps 3 little boys that were killed in a fire at the orphanage 50 years ago find their way into the light. Their dog, also a ghost, doesn't follow the boys and is left here on earth and has adopted Melinda as his owner.

In later shows, she is seen throwing a tennis ball for the ghost dog. I am not sure if the ball is real or not.

But I got me thinking, a ghost dog is not a bad pet. The barking will never bother the nieghbors, you don't have to let him in and out (he can walk through walls), no brushing because there is no shedding, and there is no 'ghost poop' to scoop.

Name suggestions: Casper, Marley, Boo...the puns are endless.

Have you seen the Westminster Kennel ads?

That is some beautiful photography of dogs. I have Tivo and I always stop for that ad. I love the image of what has to be a weimaraner shot from below. Very cool.

I also like the 'dogs rule' ads from pedigree.



And I want to thank, TerrificPets.com
http://www.terrificpets.com
I use their dog breed page to figure out how to spell all these dog breeds.

Will you please just stop.

I have seen this in my kids. They can pick a behavior that has no purpose other than to annoy me to tears and not let it go. I can ask nicely, I can ask not nicely, I can theaten their freedom, their posessions, and sometimes their lives and they will only find something new to do to annopy me.

My daughter's favorite is wiggle-butting and chair-tipping throughout dinner. I have considered glueing either the chair to the floor or her butt to the chair; maybe both. My son favors repeating gross noises in the car.

But I have now seen it all. I have a dog that is annoying the tar out of his sister dog. I have never seen a dog as annoyed as I am. But there it is. Brother Dog will not stop humping Sister Dog and she has had it with him. I know that look, I wear it all the time. Sister Dog is about at the end of her patience and Brother Dog is going to get it. BIG TIME.

I'm interested to see how she handles this. Maybe I can get some good ideas to use on the kids? I will have to let you know.

THIS IS NOT A DATING SERVICE! Get off that dog!

Someone must have done an analysis of mounting behavior in dogs; it just doesn’t make much sense to me. I see it everyday. I read somewhere that it is just part of how the alpha male establishes his dominance over the other males. Okay, fine, one thing though…why is it the females that are doing it most of the time?

And it seems that even the nerdiest of high schoolers gets the basic logistics of sex right. (even if they might never get a shot at using the information, at least until they go off to college with all the other nerds) but dogs are just ALL OVER THE PLACE! I try to be helpful…I tell the dogs:
‘Honey, that is the wrong end.’
‘You can’t really get anywhere with the side approach, but ‘A’ for effort.’
‘Eunice, you are a girl! Really!’
‘This is not a dating service!’
And back to the unaware of their own actual size: Scooter, the poodle of love, trying to woo a mastiff named Diamond. Such an optimist, he only can make it to her ankle bone.

And my all time favorite… the dog train. I’m sure you can picture that.

I have a dog's life...

These days, I nap as much as my dogs do.


Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a very sleepy person. Actaully, I have a sleep disorder that makes me sleepy all day long; I can nap anywhere - anytime.

Well for the past week, I have had to give up the medicine that helps me stay awake and all of my caffeine, as well. It is has been very hard except all the company I have when I nap. My dog, Inertia, is always up for curling up behind my knees on the couch. And this weekend we had a few extra dogs staying with us. Three to be exact. That make a total of 5 dogs in the house and 8 in the dog kennel.

I wish I had a picture of me on the couch with the 2 chihuahuas on my lap and shins (for being so small, they really are an execellent source of heat), Inertia on the floor next to me, and Lucky Dog curled up in his 'cave' under the arm of the sofa.

As my friend likes to say, "I'm narcoleptic - I can sleep with anyone."

Lucky Dog!

I had one of my favorite dogs come and stay with me this week. Lucky Dog! He doesn't even have to stay in the kennel anymore, he bunks with us in the house.

Lucky is a unique blend of canine breeds. The most recent DNA collision in his pedigree looks like Doberman and Blue Heeler. His parents might have been pure breds in their own rights, but I lean more toward a combo background.

Lucky is a pound puppy, adopted out of our local animal shelter and if I could clone a dog, he would be the one. I wish that the kennel clubs would stop breeding for specific looks in a dog and start mixing it up to get better pets.

Let's try for longevity, especially in service dogs.
10 to 15 years is not enough.
What about a good house pet personality?
Good with kids, nice to furniture and shoes,
not big on barking or running away.

Lucky has all these qualities and more. He is very attentive - maybe too attentive, he will track you around the house. He makes an excellent alarm clock if you want to get up at 6am - I prefer 7. And he is small enough to lay with or on you on the couch - the best dogs make great space heaters.

He is one Lucky Dog!