What do you need to know before teaching your dog tricks?

My daughter has not given up on the riddle book.

I thought I had this one, "A trick, you have to know a trick to teach a trick."

Nope, you have to know more than a dog.



I think I can manage that most days.

Dogs in cars is strickly a western thing.

I didn't see a dog riding in a car or truck after I left Colorado. There isn't a single dog in downtown Chicago.

I was feeling a little dog deprived until we hit the wolf enclosure at the Brookfield Zoo.

On our last day of driving, we got to see a big fluffy huskie hanging his head out the back window of a Toyota 4runner. Now that is more like it.

At lunch, somewhere west of Denver, there was one dog waiting it out in the back seat. While another two dogs got to hang out under the cafe table with their family.

It was nice to be getting back home.

There is a very happy golden retriever hanging his head out the back window of the truck behind us. Really.

A new trend in names...

Old time names from the old country.

The Italians and Norwegians have chimed in.

Teenso & Amico.
Tucio & Vido.
Gunda & Hans.

No dog performers on tonight's America's Got Talent show

I loved the dog act that got in on the first night. And it looks like one other got in, but their audition didn't get aired.

To prove that I am not totally biased, I thought the finger clicker was the wildest thing I have ever seen.

I just want to know what the Russian guy, Leonid, is going to wear next time. I think he should just balance stuff on his hands and crack jokes, he was at his best off the cuff with Regis.

Why didn't you put an ad in the paper when your dog ran away?

Because my dog can't read.


My daughter just found a book of animal riddles.

Around here, you call the shelter, police dispatch, barterbar radio show and The Yawning Dog Ranch. All dogs run away to my house.

This was true even before I had a dog kennel. At my first house in Price, Utah, I had a radio fence for my puppies and not a real fence around the yard. Any dog that ran away in Westwood ran to my place. I met quite a few people taking their dogs home to them.

K-9 Officers do not head for the donut shop.

I spotted a police dog having a pit stop on the side of I-80 in Nebraska. The car was parked in the shade of an overpass, the dog and his handler were out in the grassy side of the off ramp. There are certain logistics of having a dog as a partner that I had not really given any thought to before.

The last thing you want to hear when you are 2000 miles from home.

"We had a runaway."

Well, Michelle was taking it much better than I would have. When really bad stuff happens, I do a little chicken with its head off running in circles thing, before calming down and getting it taken care off. But by the time Michele had called me, she had already talked to the owners and was headed off to check to see if their doggie just went home. The owners were pretty calm about it also - all they said was "Well, she never did that before."

Dog was found at home, the neighbors saw her and let her in.

So, my record still stands 4 runaways, all found. Two ran home, one caught by my contractor in my horse pasture, and the pair that my husband and I chased across Helper.

I know I forgot something....

I figured out what somewhere North and East of Denver. The Phone Message. UGH! I forgot to change my outing going message to my dog sitter's phone number. So I have been fielding doggie calls across 6 states.

"No, I can't check the calendar, I am in Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Milwaukee, Chicago...you will have to call Michelle."

UGH!

And an even bigger, UGH! for when the cell phone bill comes in.

I always thought 'Are we there yet?' as a cliche.

I ranked it up with 'drunks dancing with lamp shades on their heads' and 'people photocoping their butts'. These are cultural icons, not stuff people actually do.

But I got to hear, "Are we there yet?" from Wellington to Colorado. I don't think they stopped asking, but I know I stopped trying to explain - in the car ALL DAY. My daughter actually announce just north of Green River, "Well, we better get to the hotel soon, because I have to pee!"

(Green River is a whopping 45 minutes from home.)

It was a very long first day.

It got better on the second day, I started giving out mile markers for the next stop and they would just watch and count them down. My sanity was saved by the creation of the federal highway mile marker system. Thank you.

I did not fall off the face of the earth, I just went on vacation.

I am in Chicago, seeing the family and trying to entertain my kids. I have been to the zoo, twice, and the Museum of Science and Industry. I think I last stepped foot in there when I was in eigth grade.

It has been a 'dog-free' holiday, except for my nightly reports from Michelle - dogsitter extordinare.

I do have some funny pictures, but I will have to figure how to get them off the camera, and into this freebie contection at the conference. And to think, I used to be a chip-head computer support person. Now, I can't even figure out all the options on my camera, or phone.

And now the Littles are out numbering the Bigs

I do have odd runs of dogs. I get weekends with a bunch of the same breed or the same name. I once had an a full kennel of only black and white dogs. And a different day with all carmel and white dogs. But today it is the little ones verses the big, current 7 to 2. But the big guys gain a teammate when a boxer shows up later.

I have 2 dachshunds, 2 Pomeranians, 2 Chiuhuahuas and the littlest Yorky you ever saw.

One Yellow Lab and Zoey Monster, she is very big, very thin, very jumpy, very orange and very much looks like her namesake from Sesame Street. She doesnot look very much like any breed of dog I have ever met before.

Argh. maties, we have a Parrot Dog on board!

I guess 'on shoulder' would be more accurate. Actually, I have about 6 Parrot Dogs as clients. I have 2 of them this weekend. Both Maggie, the Lego Poodle, and Taffy, a carmel chiuhuahua, like to climb up onto my shoulder. Very hard on me, there is quite a bit of claw digging in to hold that position, but it does lend itself to few pirate jokes.

It is really only a problem when a 100 pound lab or rottweiller tries to pull that stunt. This is why my chair is always about a foot away from the fence. I hit the fence when knocked over and not the ground.

Dogs of War Memorial

In my paper on Memorial Day, there was an article on dogs that have served in the army.

The numbers are impressive, as are the stories of the dogs' service.

World War II: 436 dogs served
Korea: 1,500 dogs served
Vietnam: 4,000 dogs served
Desert Storm and Desert Sheild: 120 dogs served
Global War on Terrorism: dogs are serving, but no numbers available.

A gentleman here in Utah, Alan Cunningham, is working to have a memorial dedicated to all of these dogs in the Utah Veterans Memorial. He wants to do it on this Vetern's Day. The memorial will be a lifesize bronze of a German Sheperd. He has also been petitioning the Postmaster General for a postage stamp for these unsung hereos.

I am going to find out some more about the project and see if he needs any help.

What is in a Name?

After the excess of Maggies this weekend I decided to look for that article on dog names that I tore out of the newspaper.

Most popular dog names of 2005, according to the Veterinary Pet Insurance Co.:

1 Molly
Only one for me, but this was the name of the first dog I ever babysat.

2 Maggie
More than I can count.

3 Daisy
About 4 of those

4 Lucy
Not a one.

5 Sadie
I think this is actually the most popular of my clients.

6 Ginger
One of those, but she was a no show for her reservation, so I can't count her as one of my clients.

7 Chloe
Only one.

8 Bailey
Nope, but there is one in my son's school class.

9 Sophie
Just one of those, too.

10 Zoe
Two, I think and one is here right now, but she spells it Zoey.

Someday, I am going to type all of my dog info into a database and get organized. Then I can have an official head count. But these do prove my point about dog names: once a human name is considered old fashioned, it becomes a popular dog name. Works for the boys, too. But that is another post alltogether.

And the confusion continues....

Not only did I have 4 Yellow Labs, I also had two Maggies, one of the labs and a black poodle. The Poodle Maggie is a cross between a Miniature and a Toy. That makes her a Small Toy! I have founded a new type of poodle, THE LEGO. It is perfect. A Lego is a small toy usually found under foot. That describes Maggie perfectly.

But, I digress from my continued confusion of dogs. Another Maggie just arrived today and, of course, she is a yellow lab.

It was Yellow Lab Day at the Ranch

I had 4 Yellow Labs. As the mother of two matching Black Labs, I am used to calling the dogs by the wrong name. Heck, my mother called me by my sister's name since she left for college, that was 1974. (She still does) But yesterday must have been a record even by my standards for calling the wrong dog.

There are Maggie and Sadie, they are sisters a year apart. The owners liked the first one so much they got another puppy from the same parents. They are smarter than me who just got two puppies at the same time which is a house breaking nightmare. At least, one of mine has a white mark to tell them apart, Maggie and Sadie are virtually identical.

Then there are Molly and Winnie, one black, one yellow lab and I have never figure out what name goes with each but since they are always together it is really a problem.

And then there is Shane. Shane Thayn actually. His mother always wanted a boy named Shane, but when she married a Thayn she decided the name would only work on a dog. Shane I can spot, he is the biggest Yellow Lab I have ever seen.

It was also Ladies Weekend. They out number the boys 10 to 2.

I am anti-chain letter.

As a rule, I never forward any message that asks me to do so. I never sent out a chain letter before email, either. I don't pass on jokes and funny pictures, but I do read them to my husband and show the funny dog pictures to the kids.

But my brother forwarded this onto me and I just had to share it. So officially, I have not forwarded on a chain letter. Right?

Dog's Letter to God

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it going to be the Same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the P! early Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell!

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps, or the oriental rugs.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally my last question;

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Anti-Labrador?

I have an unfriendly lab staying with me. I would have said that was an impossibility, but there she is. She doesn’t like the other dogs. She only kinda likes me. And she doesn’t like my husband at all. And, really, all dogs love my husband.

Labs are just plain happy dogs. They are just so happy to have other dogs to play with. Happy with whatever human they have to love on.

She is an anti-labrador. She doesn’t want to play and only occasionally does she want any petting or scratching from me. But when she does she growls at any other dog that come up to me. Usually it is the other way around for a lab. Mostly, I end up steering an overly enthusiastic lab away from some other dog that has just had it with them. She is happy alone on her side of the play yard. A time-out by themselves is an excellent way to get a dog to behave around the other dogs. Play too rough and they get 10 minutes in their run, all alone. Time-outs never worked on my kids, but they are really effective with dogs. Sitting out while the other dogs play is a pretty strong motivator. This is especially true for labs, they do not like to be alone. But this dog is actually happiest by herself. She is not a bad dog in any way, just isn’t a Labrador in any way other than appearance.

I have two black labs. If you look up gregarious in the dictionary, isn’t there a picture of a Labrador in there. My labs think everyone who comes to the house came only to see them. The UPS guy cannot deliver a package without a huge dose of doggie love at this house. No one is safe from these lab’s affection.

I have a friend who is more of a cat-person. Whenever she visits, Inertia is all over her. Inertia firmly believes in the physical contact form of persuasion. If enough bodily contact is applied to a human; they will eventually love you. Inertia has complete missed the fact that this friend just keeps letting her out. I try to tell the dog, she is a dog and my friend is a cat lover. But Inertia is convinced she can win this human over to the dog side.

Though, Inertia might be onto something….this is the friend that was asking me about getting a Sheltie the other day.

The play yard never smelled so good.

My bramble rose is blooming. It is kinda lost on the dogs, they just like to chase or hide under its branches, but I love that huge bush. It only blooms for about a week, but it is so big with so many roses. It really is pretty spectacular.

I have started walking my dogs again.

Nice view, don’t ya think?

When I first got my puppies, my yard wasn’t fenced. In the 3 months before we could put in an electronic fence, I walked them 3 times a day. I lost 12 pounds that fall.

Well, I am finally feeling better and I started up again. Everything is really green and growing since we had a pretty wet winter and spring this year. This is the first time I have seen rabbits in this area. The dogs have seen them, too, and are getting a pretty good workout. But don’t worry about any bunnies being hurt. My dogs can only chase in a straight line (this is how Vector got her name). So all a bunny has to do is turn left and they are just ‘gone’ to my dogs.